Fathers, Grandfathers, Family........

Late last year my father passed away suddenly. Even though he was 83, it came as a shock to us all. Sure, there had been signs of aging, but I honestly thought we would have him with us for a few more years - and I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him!

My Dad was a 'go to' person......not just for family but for very many people from all walks of life. He was a strong leader in family, church, community and business. He was the old fashioned type - where hard work, commitment, loyalty and being true to your word was paramount. That along with his faith in God was how he lived his life.

He was also very much a family man, and as I grew older I took great pleasure in seeing him with his grandchildren and in recent years his great grandchildren. 

I am very pleased for him that he is now in heaven, free from pain, free from living in a body that was wearing out, and that he is enjoying that place of perfect peace and rest with his Lord. But I am sad for me, for my kids and my grandkids.

Dad has been the one person in my close family circle that really understood a lot of what I have been feeling these past few years. He too lost his spouse when my Mum died in 2002. There is no substitute for personal experience, and while I have family and friends who have walked through deep grief - and I don't mean to lessen their experience in anyway - losing your life's partner is different again.

I knew that Dad knew how I was feeling and what I was struggling with. We kept in touch by phone regularly and would visit as we were able. He was always concerned with how I was doing and would always ask after all my kids.

So now that both he and Mum have gone.....it's a strange feeling. There are times I would so LOVE to be able to talk to them. I am sad for my kids. I know how much they loved Dad and enjoyed it when he was around. He definitely fitted the 'patriarch' role model for our family.

So now the challenge is to move forward into another season of life. For me - I have lost 2 very strong men in my life. Two men who have had a profound influence on me and who I am as a person. I am very grateful to both of them for all they taught me and I believe I am a better person for it. 

So again.....I turn to the Lord for my strength, for wisdom, and allow His peace to saturate my heart knowing that all will be well.

I take a huge amount of joy watching my grandsons.......especially their interaction with their fathers.

My son in law Jonty is a great daddy to his 2 boys and they love him to bits. My son Heath is a new daddy...but I can see the love he has for his son and the way he talks to their little baby and the relationship that is already established......he too is a great daddy.......it brings such joy to my heart. I think the present and future generations of fathers and men in our family is looking good!

    My grandsons............

         

                                                    Owen (3 & 1/2) and Toby (19 months)

                                       

                                         

                                                                   Bodhi (2 months)

Family are so precious. Relationships are to be cared for and nurtured - even when it's hard work. Taking the time to be together, to celebrate the big occasions and the not so big, creating memories. Establishing a family culture and traditions. It all takes time and effort - but it's so worth it!

I remember family holidays when I was a little girl at Lake Rotoiti. The swimming, learning to row a dinghy, the hot pools, Dad and his friends water skiing, the trips in the boat at night in the dark! The fun, the friends, the favourite bays on the lake. All that established something in me and my siblings that we still love to this day. In fact, next week we are having a family holiday at that same lake. My sister Suzanne and brother Steve and I have all rented houses, and along with all our families - well almost all of them -  and a couple of boats we are heading off! I'm sure there will be lots of memories made.......can't wait!

Till next time................

New Seasons

I was quite alarmed recently when I realised it is well over a year since I wrote on this blog! It has made me seriously think again about this 'writing' thing, and while it is something I enjoy and would like to devote more time to, I seem to be struggling with the discipline to make it happen!

Last week I was encouraged - and challenged - to get back into it from an unexpected source. An acquaintance had stumbled onto my blog and kindly wrote to me encouraging me to keep writing......saying they had been 'blessed' by reading it. These kind of comments always surprise me, but are also humbling and as I said, encouraging.

Anyway, it was the gentle nudge I needed and every day since then the urge to 'write' has been simmering away.......it's just a matter of GETTING AROUND TO IT!!

As with my past blogs, I have tended to write about what I am facing or dealing with 'at the moment'. There were a couple of major events in my life last year which I will write about but not this time....ha!

This being January, my thoughts have turned towards New Year Resolutions etc. I'm not really big on these. I tend to think more about goals to focus on and ideas I want to put into practise. 

We have been challenged with some teaching at our church this month regarding New Year resolutions. Often they are centred around ourselves - our wants, needs and desires. But the challenge was to ask ourselves the question "what breaks your heart?".......and then from the answer to that question form a resolution or a goal as we move forward into the new year.

While I can think of things that break my heart, I am still pondering what to do about it from a personal aspect. There are many 'things' you can do and get involved in. So for me right now the question must also be asked.......what is the Lord saying to me in all of this?

I hope and pray I get some clarity soon as February is fast approaching!!

February 2016 is a memorable month for me. On the 14th I will be having a 'significant' birthday!

Notice I didn't say 'celebrating'! They say 'it's just a number'.......but really? 

I will enjoy getting together with family and a few friends to mark the occasion but if I'm honest.....I have very mixed emotions about this one.

I am looking forward to having candles and cake with my grandsons though!

Speaking of grandsons........I now have 3 of those!

On December 5th we welcomed the arrival of Bodhi Johnson, born to my son Heath and his wife Courtney. What a precious gift! I am so thankful to the Lord for his safe arrival, and am very excited with the thought that I now have 3 grandsons. What an incredible blessing to our family. 

                         

                                                     Bodhi  - taken at 6 weeks old.

While this year marks a significant birthday for me, it is also the start of a new season in my life where I am living on my own for the first time. I have been a widow now for over 4 years, but during this time have had the blessing of Heath and Courtney living with me.....well...in the flat on the ground floor of my home. Then when little Bodhi arrived in December it was a real treat to be able to see him everyday!

Recently however, they have moved to their own place - which is a good thing for them. I am very happy seeing them set up their own home, and it's great they are only a few minutes drive away.

So once again, I have found myself adjusting to a new season of life.  I know living alone is the norm for millions of people, but until it happens to you, you don't really know how you're going to feel and cope.

It's early days for me, and there's still a lot of adjusting going on in my thoughts and emotions......but the GREAT thing is .....I KNOW the Lord is with me.....as He has always been and always will be.

So now for 2016! New season. New opportunities. New challenges. New goals. 

Maybe it's time to let go of old habits and push myself out of my comfort zone into new and different disciplines? What does that look like? 

What breaks my heart? What can I do that will make a difference?

What can I do that will have lasting value.....that will make a difference for eternity?

BIG questions!! But so important!

I wonder how you are going with these questions?

Sometimes we just need to ask ourselves the hard questions and have the courage to actually go after the answers.

So all the best with your dreams, desires, goals and resolutions for this year.

May you be blessed in the name of Jesus!

Till next time...........

It is well...........

It's been awhile since I sat down to write - other than quick entries in my journal - life took another unexpected turn this year for me and I found my normal routine interrupted for a time!

Routines are interesting things aren't they? Sometimes it's good to have routine - other times maybe not. I think as we get older some of our routines can start to feel like ruts....and that is not a good feeling! I just looked up rut in the dictionary...'established, tedious practice or routine'. Of course, some routines are necessary and indeed good for us but the danger as we age is that we can become inflexible and irritable if our routines get out of kilter.  Or maybe it's a control thing? If circumstances are changing too rapidly for our liking and we feel like we are losing control of what we like to have control of - then we can become 'out of sorts'.

I know I am the sort of person who can get 'ruffled' if my plan or agenda doesn't get carried out or at least in some part accomplished.  Things like interruptions and problems can become irritating and it is a little window into our nature and maturity as to how we respond.  I really do not want to grow into a grumpy old woman!!

We have recently had some teaching at our church on 'living with an adventurous heart or spirit' and I have appreciated hearing this challenge again.  It goes hand in hand with not living in a routine that is inflexible and unbending. Even if we are living with circumstances we cannot physically change or do anything about - we can still have a mentality of being open to change and seeing the best in things. This is a challenge for me and one I need to keep in mind as I go through life - I can't cross all the t's and dot all the i's all the time.......and that's OK!

Along with living with a flexible mindset for me needs to be the willingness to 'have a go' at something new.....stepping out of the boat......stepping out in faith......or however you like to put it.  I'm sure thinking this way helps keep us young......always learning......growing and...well....just having fun! There are still some things on my bucket list I'd like to have a go at.....what about you??

Last week I, along with my sister and her husband, went to a local restaurant for dinner and to listen to a jazz band called Dixie Street. This band is made up of a group of guys all over the age of 70. They are from Australia, and along with their wives, tour on a regular basis through Australia and NZ. Their music was lively, joyful, fun.......and good!! They are doing what they love and bringing enjoyment to many people along the way. I thought they were a great example of not living in a rut, and I wouldn't mind betting that for some of them at least, they are ticking off something on their bucket lists!

But back to what I really wanted to talk about today............(got on a bit of a tangent there.....ha!)

Early this year my daughter Natasha, who was in the early stages of her second pregnancy, began having complications that were on going.  So I made the commitment to travel to her place to help and support her 3 days a week (during weekdays) until the baby was born - due mid August.

I am very grateful I was free to be able to do this and I count it a privilege to have such involvement in my children's lives.  To be able to spend that much time with my 2 year old grandson Owen has been very special for me and I have loved it. Each week as I arrived and was greeted with a smile and hug from him - it made my heart smile!

I can't say it hasn't been tiring - because it has - that's what happens when you get older - and yes it intruded into my tidy routine but.....so what?? Life is about family, relationships, love, giving - doing the next thing that the Lord puts in front of you to do - and for me it has been helping my family.

There have also been anxious times when we have all had to press hard into the Lord for His strength and comfort.  Particularly for my daughter and her husband, it has been a challenging few months as week by week they progressed through a difficult pregnancy.

It all became more dramatic when early on Sunday morning 29th June, the newest member of our family, a little boy named Toby, arrived 7 weeks premature!  Both he and his mummy were very sick and required special care and attention for some time.

But as I sit here today and reflect back on the past few months I have nothing but thankfulness and gratitude to God for His continuing goodness to us as a family and his faithfulness to us through all circumstances.  Toby is now 6 weeks old and is thriving.  He is a darling little boy who is so precious to us all.

There were complications after he was born and at times we were unsure what it all meant, and what the future looked liked for him, but he is now receiving excellent reports from the doctors and ALL IS WELL!!  He is in fact - our little miracle baby:)

It is so wonderful now to see this little family all healthy and doing well.  When I look at my 2 grandsons I can hardly believe it.......they are such a BLESSING!!

2 year old Owen gazes at his little brother Toby - 6 weeks old - "can he come and play yet?"

For me personally, this year is providing new challenges - more decisions to be made - but there is definitely a sense of a 'new season'......and that is a good thing!  After many months of thinking/praying/pondering I have come to the conclusion that I want to stay living in the little town where I am  -  not because I am too afraid of change, but because I believe it is right for me and the next season of life is going to based here. This has been a big decision for me and I think anyone who suddenly finds themselves alone will identify with it.  It would be easy in a way to go back to where I spent the majority of my life and where things are maybe more familiar  - but for me, it is not right to go back, I want to keep moving forward to whatever is next for me. I gave myself permission to ask myself some hard questions, and it has been a relief to be able to answer honestly, and with that has come a sense of relief and peace.

Of course this doesn't mean there won't be change up ahead - there's always change in life - there's always adjustment and growth - but if you have peace about the big decisions then the changes and seasons that come and go don't need to rock you off your foundations!

So today in my heart..........IT IS WELL!

Till next time.............

Easter 2014

Easter Monday evening........another Easter weekend coming to an end. I've had so many thoughts and emotions running around my head and in my heart this weekend.  There have been 'lump in the throat' moments, tears of grief but lots of smiles and laughter too.....and never far from my thoughts has been....'Tony would love this'.

I am forever grateful to have a home large enough for all the family to come and stay, and this year the whole family has been here and we have enjoyed a variety of activities......things that are typical to our family.

On Good Friday morning I attended a church service at my church here in Mangawhai.  A reflective and moving time of remembrance and communion.  I actually struggled to cope with my emotions. When you stop and focus solely on The Cross for an hour, it puts life and death into perspective. The wonder of the love of God.....so powerful, so total, so humbling, so free.  The simple act of communion.......so precious.

I have found since becoming a widow that communion, Easter and The Cross have all become so much more emotional for me. As though my feelings are just under the surface and they bubble up without me really being able to always control it.  I guess it's a 'rawness' that wasn't there before. This is a good thing I think......but it does leave me feeling rather wrung out at times!

Bit of a change of pace on Friday afternoon when we went to watch my son Heath's club rugby game. It was a beautiful warm afternoon.......so pleasant....sitting watching......enjoying the picturesque rural surrounds of where we live.  It was especially poignant for me watching my grandson Owen running around with his little rugby ball and taking it all in.  And I kept thinking how Tony would be rapt to see his son still enjoying rugby (after all the years he coached his team when he was a little guy) and now to see his grandson running around with a ball in hand!

Another family activity we have done for years is boating and fishing.  On Saturday 3 members of the family took the boat out determined to bring home fish for dinner!!  They succeeded and we enjoyed it!
We also took advantage of the lingering late summer days.....Owen especially had fun in the still warmish waters.

Then of course there is the chocolate (way too much!),  hot cross buns, movies, good food, candle lit dinners......everything that makes up great family times.....and we have all enjoyed watching Owen enjoying chocolate!! How he loves anything sweet:) He has been allowed a little (carefully managed) so as the sugar highs aren't too crazy.....ha!

But I guess the highlight for me this Easter has been Sunday morning when as a family we were part of the service at the Elim Church in Whangarei. My eldest daughter Vanessa had been asked to sing, and she asked the rest of us to help out.  It's been a long time since we did anything like this together....but what fun. Vanessa singing, Natasha doing backing vocals, Heath on drums, me on keyboard and son in law Jonty on the sound desk.....we engaged the help of bass and lead guitarists and away we went! The only sad thing was daughter in law Courtney couldn't be with us as she was working.

It brought such joy to my heart to do something like this with my kids.  But more than just 'doing an item' was to see my kids in church, serving, worshipping, committed to their God....the God of their father and grandfathers.  They have such a rich heritage!  I have to believe Tony was looking down with a big smile on his face! In fact, there a lot of things that would have made him smile this weekend. The church services, rugby, fishing, chocolate, good food, Sunday lunch with friends...... and the family just being together. And because I know all these things would make him smile it makes me smile too.......and makes me feel he is still close.

So now it's Monday and the thought that tomorrow life will go back to normal....but what lovely memories we have to take with us into the week.

I trust for you too that this Easter has been meaningful, relaxing and enjoyable. This is a little of what I wrote in my journal this morning.......
'Easter - what an amazing story of the God who loves beyond what we can ever imagine....who gave beyond what we will ever deserve.....and who brings hope beyond what we can only begin to conceive.
Thank you Jesus for the cross'.

Till next time.................

Clouds

Today as I write this, the clouds are gathering overhead.  After a period of gorgeous weather we have been warned of a tropical cyclone heading our way - due to hit us in the northern part of NZ sometime tonight.  It's hard to imagine really - because our weather has been so beautiful - that we are about to be hit with gale force winds and 'sideways' rain!  But the clouds are a sign that something rather sinister is on its way.

The clouds are hanging low and heavy this afternoon

Clouds can bring with them a variety of emotions or feelings.  The relief on a scorching hot summers day when a cloud passes in front of the sun and you feel that moment of relief and a touch of coolness. The rain clouds that look dark and ominous, but bring much needed rain to dry and parched lands, not to mention filling up thirsty water tanks!  Then there are the beautiful fluffy white clouds that just look stunning against a bright blue sky - the kind we drew in our pictures when we were kids!

The sort of clouds I like - white and fluffy decorating a blue sky

Interesting how clouds are featuring in my thoughts at the moment.......I even found myself writing about them in my journal this morning.  For me when I feel a 'cloud' is hovering over me (figuratively) or threatening to hover, it often means I am struggling with the 'aloneness' that comes with losing your spouse.  I know I have mentioned this before in my writings, but it is something that doesn't really go away, something that you have to deal with on an ongoing basis.

I find it helpful to recognize it for what it is, write about it, talk about it maybe.........face it head on......and then of course pray about it......that always must be my first 'go to' response!

That 'cloud' always seems closer, heavier and darker when something happens to upset the balance in your life.  Things like illness, stress, tiredness.......so it's real important to recognize this and to take steps to deal with it.  For me that often means - taking the pressure off - do something practical - in the natural.  Stay home, have a sleep, excuse yourself from some prearranged activity, walk on the beach, watch a DVD.....in other words....just do something for YOU and don't feel guilty about it!

So with these thoughts running around in my head, it is no coincidence that this past week or so my readings have included thoughts on burdens and clouds - and other heavy things...ha!

From Streams in the Desert today I read - do not be afraid to enter the cloud descending on your life, for God is in it! And the other side is radiant with His glory.  When you feel the most forsaken and lonely, God is near.  He is in the darkest cloud. Forge ahead into the darkness without flinching, know that under the shelter of the cloud, God is waiting for you.

Such a beautiful picture!  In the spiritual - so in the physical.  On the other side of this storm that is about to hit us - will be calm.  The sun will shine again, the sky will be blue again, the winds will drop to a gentle breeze and the clouds will change from black to white!

It is good for me to remember this as I must admit I do not enjoy being buffeted around in this house when the strong winds hit. My house sits up quite high - nice to get the views - but not so good in the storms.  I have had quite a few sleepless nights trying to control my fear while listening to the howling wind and torrential rain beating down.  So if that happens tonight......I will focus my thoughts on what is coming on the other side of the clouds and the fact that my Heavenly Father is still in control!

Mangawhai Harbour WILL look like this again after the storm!

Then there's the whole thing about burdens..........but that can wait!

Till next time................

Holidays, families and other things..........

Today I am pondering what has been a rather whirlwind of activity over the last month or so.  When I think back to all that has been going in my life since mid December it leaves me thinking I need a holiday!! Ha!

Preparing the house for visitors, planning menus, buying food, cooking food, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, Christmas, New Year, eating, family, friends, fun, boating, fishing, water skiing, swimming, beach games, hot nights, afternoon naps, movies, watching tennis, babysitting, laundry, bread making, laughter, tears, memories, story telling, fireworks, music, photos, noise, dirty dishes (thank the Lord for a dishwasher), BBQ's, lots of coffee, a little wine, many emotions.........phew!
What a blessed position to be in - to have so many lovely memories:)

It was a real priviledge to host all my family for Christmas this year and a few special friends as well - did my heart good - but I must admit I was very aware of who wasn't with us. My husband and best friend was missing and I was keenly aware of it.  He was always my right hand man when we had a house full of people - so ready to help me wherever - always quick to initiate - motivate - whatever was needed at the time.  It has been such an adjustment for me to 'pick up' things that I used to leave to him to do, but also to learn to ask others to help me.

When you have operated in a partnership for a long time - it is not easy to suddenly change the way you do things and ask others to help or do something that would normally be done by your partner.  Of course, people are always willing to help - the change has to come in me and the way I do life.  That's the challenge!

Families are great though aren't they? Gotta love them.....can't choose them...ha!  God certainly knew what He was doing when He came up with that idea:)  My mother used to say "home/family is where you are treated the best and behave the worst"!!  Yes, well, we have all had those days!

But isn't it great to be in a family where you are loved and accepted for who you are, to appreciate each one with all their diversities in character and nature........to be free to be yourself!
There are other precious members of our family that are not with us anymore when we gather - and we miss them all.........so it was lovely this year to have some new members - 2 little ones and a new daughter in law.

This past week I had the priviledge of looking after my 20 month old grandson Owen. He is one busy little guy.......who needs lots of activity and fresh air.......but oh so cute!  We had so much fun and its not difficult to get him laughing - which is a delightful sound. It's amazing how things change though. When my children were that age I was busy with not only being a mother, but keeping up with the demands of running a household, helping my husband when I could on the farm and being involved in church ministry. Now as a grandmother when I am babysitting - that's all I do!!! Woohoo.......everything else can wait......and you know what.......it doesn't matter!!

My own mother modelled that for me and I am so grateful for that.  Putting aside your own agenda when looking after a grandchild is so wonderful and so rewarding:)  And the cuddles and kisses I get from Owen make up for the weariness at the end of the day....ha!

So from now life will return to some sort of normality. Family members are back busy with their jobs and lives and my thoughts turn to the year ahead.

One of the struggles with grief is the 'aloneness' you feel.  It wouldn't be right to say I'm lonely, as I have family and friends around me.......but 'aloneness' is a different thing.  That is something no other person can actually help you with, it is something that is always there and something you have to learn to live with. My kids have their own lives to lead - and I wouldn't have it any other way. The same goes for friends - everyone's lives are full and busy - that's life!

So how to cope with the 'aloneness'?  For me it always comes back to my faith in God - He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  So I must continually go back to a place of quietness and rest - knowing that He is always with me - no matter how I am feeling.

A few days ago a friend called in and we had a good catch up for a couple of hours.  We talked about how it is just over 2 years since Tony died and what might be ahead for me.  She encouraged me that it is now a time for me to 'be strengthened' and quoted a line from a verse in Isaiah 30 "in quietness and trust is your strength".  I really like that!

I have found along with the spiritual encouragement, I also need things to look forward to in the natural.  So I am looking forward to a few days away with a couple of friends at the end of February - a kind of 'girls time out' - and I will continue to plan things along the way as the year stretches out before me.

I don't know about you but I'm not a great one for New Years resolutions.......however I like to think this year will be full of growth - of character, wisdom and spiritual strength - and of love and laughter!
Tony used to say 'the best is yet to come'........that's a great outlook right there!

Till next time.............

The Gift of Music

It's that time of year when music seems to be in the air more than usual.  Somehow it's more acceptable to hear music playing when you're out and about!  It all adds to the festive mood I guess.

I love music!  It's been a part of my life forever!  I love going to concerts and musical shows, watching musical movies, along with playing the piano or my ukelele......a recent acquisition:)  I can remember my first piano lesson when I was 8 years old.  Since then there has hardly been a time in my life when I wasn't playing or singing something, somewhere!

However, in the last few years it has been much harder to maintain that - or even have the desire to!
There are definitely times in your life when certain songs are 'just what you need' and you play them over and over - it's like a gift to you at the time.

When I was a teenager I absolutely loved the music of the likes of Amy Grant, Evie and Sandy Patti, and dreamt of one day being a famous singer like they were....ha!  As I've got older my tastes have broadened somewhat:)

Being involved with church music pretty much all of my life,  I have enjoyed and learnt probably thousands of songs that have been the 'new sound' at the time.  Scripture in Song, Hosanna Music, Integrity Music, Hillsong, Christian City Church, Planet Shakers.......to name a few.  I was even involved with writing and recording some 'home grown' songs in the early 90's called Songs to the Nations.

It's so interesting though, that the songs you learn as a child are the ones you never forget the words to! So for me - that was hymns - and I still love so many of those.  I always appreciate when you're in a church service and the song list is 'mixed up'. The freshness of a new song mixed with the timeless lyrics of an old hymn - love it!

During the last few years of my life as I have struggled through dealing with illness and then the grieving process I have often gone walking with my iphone and ear phones!  I have what you'd call an eclectic play list I guess.  There is everything from ABBA to Adele,  Bon Jovi to Brooke Fraser,  Billy Joel to Bruno Mars,  Citipointe Live to Celine Dion,  the Eagles to Eric Clapton,  Hillsong United to Harbourside Church,  Keith Urban to Mariah Carey,  Michael Buble to Michael Jackson and Stan Walker to Shania Twain........plus so many more!

But there are probably only 3 or 4 songs that I have played over and over as I have walked the beach and streets around where I live.  The top of the list would be 'The Climb' by Stan Walker, followed by his rendition of 'Amazing Grace'.  Another one would be 'Oceans' by Hillsong United.

It's so good how different songs touch your heart - and keep doing so - often filling you with just what you need at the time. The gift of music huh?

During the little bit of travelling I have done in the last couple of years I have observed how music is universal.  It crosses cultures and generations.  At one point I was with a group of people in a restaurant in Europe, we all were singing, the tune was familiar but we all sang in our different languages - it didn't matter - we all had a great time......the gift of music huh?

And now its nearly Christmas and if you're anything like me, you will have the Christmas CD's playing in your car and home.  So many beautiful carols and songs to enjoy.  The words of timeless carols are etched in my heart, learnt when I was just a child.  Probably my most favourite carol would be O Holy Night - and I especially love Mariah Carey's version - in my opinion, she can sing it like no other!

I also love the Christmas song - Home for Christmas - sometimes called Bells Will Be Ringing - especially The Eagles version.  I love the bluesy feel of the song and even though some of the lyrics are sad - I still love that song!

Music is one of God's gifts that I am most grateful for.  It was got me through tough times and great times, and no doubt will continue to do so.  Songs can trigger so many emotions - happy and sad - and that's OK.

Music is also a gift we can give our families - our children and grandchildren.  I am so grateful to my parents who paid for my years of piano lessons and encouraged me along the way.  I love seeing the enjoyment music brings to my kids and how they all use their musical abilities to serve the Lord.  And now I observe in my little grandson the delight he takes in music too - his little dance moves are something else....ha!

So whatever your plans are for Christmas and the holiday season - make some time to listen to some good music......sing some carols......get the guitar or ukelele out round the BBQ......buy someone a CD........make some new memories......just enjoy the wonderful gift that is music!

Have a blessed Christmas!

Till next time...............

Thanksgiving and other GOOD things!

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving - American style - in our home for the first time.  This was initiated by my daughter-in-law Courtney, who is from the States, and I'm very glad she did.  It was a really lovely time - made more lovely by the fact that she did all the cooking and the food was real GOOD!!
I took the time a few days ago to read up about how the Thanksgiving Celebration started hundreds of years ago which is most interesting.....and out of all the celebrations you can celebrate....it is one worth doing!  It is all about appreciating and being thankful for 'bountiful provision' and of course the GOODNESS of God.
So I think for this kiwi family it is one American tradition that is here to stay - and I'm pleased about that.  Taking time to be thankful and appreciate each other is always a GOOD thing to do, something we shouldn't wait for Thanksgiving Day to exercise!
And of course, left over turkey makes GOOD sandwiches and there's enough of that to keep me going for awhile!!

It's nice to have 'GOOD' things happen in our lives.  There's certainly enough 'bad' stuff happening around us all the time - which seems to be constantly in our faces thanks to the media - in fact I find myself recording the news on TV and 'fast forwarding' a lot of stuff that is just too upsetting or depressing to watch!
It's great to make a record of the GOOD things that happen - either by a journal/diary entry  - or by just tucking them away in the memory banks so you can 'rewind' and think about them from time to time.

So I thought it would be timely to record some of the GOOD things that have happened in my life of late - apart from Thanksgiving!  A few weeks ago I met up with a group of girls I went through primary and secondary school with.  This was an unexpected surprise....to meet up with people I hadn't seen for over 40 years was quite something!!  Forty years......that is scary!
We ended up having a loooong lunch - as you do:)  There was the usual "oh you don't look any different".......ha.....we all know the truth about that one!  But certainly on the inside we don't 'feel' any different!  Then of course there's the endless "what happened to......?" and "Really??" and "You're kidding me, are you serious??"  It really was a lot of fun!
But what followed on from that was even more fun! I discovered one of these girls had - for the last 13 years - been living in a house that my father had built and that my family had lived in during my high school years......and she invited me to come take a look! Now that really was fun! Talk about going down memory lane - that was literally what happened.  As I wandered around the house so many memories came flooding back.  For a house that was built in the 60's it looked really GOOD - testimony to the design and build of my father!  Apart from changes in colour schemes and a few minor things, it was just as I remembered.......and it was full of GOOD memories!

Then last week I met up with a friend who Tony and I worked alongside in Youth With a Mission in Australia in the the late 80's.  She now lives in South Africa and travels the world teaching in YWAM schools. We hadn't seen each other for over 20 years. Once again it was a long catch up and a precious time as the years rolled away and we remembered.......and shared about what life is like now for us both. Another GOOD time for the memory bank:)

An especially GOOD thing in our family right now is that my eldest daughter Vanessa, is returning to live in NZ after 3 years overseas.  For me to know that all my kids will be in the same country (at least for now) does my heart GOOD :)

This afternoon I headed out to the surf beach for a walk. It was another beautiful day and I was looking forward to getting my feet in the sand and having a paddle. As I stopped briefly at the top of the walkway before heading down the beach a young couple came up to me with a camera and asked me to take a few photos of them with the surf/beach in the background.  They had just got married!!  I was of course only too happy to help them out.......and as I went on my way it made me smile thinking about what a GOOD day they were having!

This coming Tuesday, 3rd December, will mark 2 years since Tony went to live in heaven.  While this is a very GOOD thing for him, it has not been such a great thing for me.  Learning to live without someone who has been in your life for over 40 years is not the easiest thing, but I think I can say the GOOD days are starting to outnumber the bad days.  I have much to be thankful for - too many to list here - but one major thing that is on my mind right now is the fact that I had a GOOD marriage for 36 years to a GOOD man - someone who loved me, believed in me, supported me, cheered me on, encouraged me......and that is something that I will always gratefully remember and cherish.

As I sit at my computer my eyes are drawn to a painting a friend of mine did about 3 years ago.  It is of Tony holding a big snapper he had just caught on his long line at the Mangawhai surf beach......and it has the caption 'God is Good'.  It makes me smile remembering that day.....and that is a GOOD thing!

Till next time..............

Highlights

For all of us 'highlights' are welcome.  Sometimes we say "that just made my day".....so that was probably a highlight......right?  Definitely better than a lowlight......is that even a word?

I have found going through the last few years of a difficult season and now working through grief, that highlights are very important.  In fact, if I don't have 'highlights' life can sometimes seem to stretch out in an endless sameness that can drain my energy and leave me feeling blah!!

Highlights come in all shapes and sizes, some are anticipated, some are unexpected, some leave you speechless, some are big, some are little things.....but the main thing is - they are all good!!  As I sat in my special spot this morning gazing out to sea I thought back over this week and realized there had been some lovely highlights.............

Firstly, I got to spend more time than usual with my grandson Owen.  He is 16 months old - a little bit angel and a little bit rascal - as most kids are at that age - and oh so cute!  I love him to bits.  We have lots of fun together and there's just nothing like hearing him giggle and laugh:)
We spent some time at a park in the sun running around and generally being goofy before he decided he needed to pick daisies for me......talk about melt my heart!

The second highlight was planting my little vegetable garden.  That might sound strange but it was actually quite therapeutic for me.  I am not a 'gardener' as such but it's not difficult to grow a few lettuces! There's something very satisfying about planning, purchasing and then planting your little vegie plants.  It also means (for me anyway as I don't bother with a vegie garden in the winter) that summer is close and I think about how lovely it will be to pick a few fresh lettuce or spinach leaves when I need them.  Now that daylight saving is here, the little ritual of going out in the evening to water the garden doesn't even seem a chore...it's a pleasure!

The third highlight this week was bumping into an old girl friend who I have only seen on rare occasions over the last few years.  We literally bumped into each other in the doorway of a clothing shop and did the usual "oh my goodness, fancy seeing you here etc etc....."  She was just on her way to try some things on in the fitting room, so the saleswoman kindly put the pieces in the fitting room for her. We stood in the doorway (more or less) and chatted for quite awhile when she had the bright idea to go for coffee!  Perfect......we both had the time.  She spoke to the saleswoman and said "we're just going for coffee, I'll come back later".  I did a little grin as I think the poor lady was looking forward to a good sale and maybe now she had missed out....haha!
This friend was a girl I had grown up with in my home town of Te Puke - she along with her sisters.  In fact, her parents and my parents were great mates so we knew each other pretty well back then.  We had attended the same church, Sunday school, youth group - done crazy things together there, had even sung together.......so you get the idea.....there's quite a bit of history.  I had spoken to her at Tony's funeral but of course that was pretty brief.
There was so much catching up that needed to be done. She is the mother of six and grandmother to one. So when we got through all of that, it was great to hear about her siblings and nieces and nephews too.
I was able to share a little about my journey of late and of course update her on my family and my precious grandson!

As we sat in the beautiful spring sun and sipped our coffee and nibbled on a date and orange scone,  I realized how relaxed I felt.  By the way......when you go into a cafe and SHARE something with someone because you don't feel like eating the whole thing yourself.....you know you're with a friend!! (hmmm... that might be a girl thing....haha!)
As I was saying, I felt relaxed.  There was no pretense.....just honest sharing.  As I've thought about that since I realize it's because she KNOWS WHO I AM.  She knows my background, my heritage, my journey, she shares my faith......there's something so very comfortable in all of that.

Maybe this third highlight could also be described as a 'God moment'.  The 'chance' of us bumping into each other in the door way of a shop in a town where neither of us live.....yeah I think so.  God so knows our needs and for me that day, the need to connect with someone who knew me and was interested in how I was doing, was the tonic I needed........and I am grateful!

So we parted.......I think she did go and try on those clothes.......and I continued on my drive home, smiling and thinking.....'well that was the highlight of my day'!!

Till next time..............

Storms

Over the past couple of weeks I feel as though I have been through some different sorts of 'storms'........physical and emotional!

A few nights back I was awoken by a clap of thunder that felt like it was right above my head.  I wasn't frightened as such - but I did get a fright - a big one!  I can't remember ever experiencing anything quite like it - it made the house shudder!  And then of course there was the lightning to go along with it. Even though I had my eyes tightly shut waiting for it - when it came it would flash through my closed eyelids as though they were wide open!  So much power......I would lie there thinking.....surely the electricity is going to go out any second.

What really was different with this storm though was they way it moved around.  After several thunder and lightning episodes directly overhead I was relieved to hear it starting to move away and become more distant.  Thank goodness I thought, while I wasn't terrified or anything I was relieved that it was over.......or so I thought!

I was just calming myself down and telling myself to go to sleep when all of a sudden.......there was another huge clap of thunder right over head again!!  I literally jumped in the bed!  That sneaky storm had come right back without any warning and was doing its thing right above my house for the second time!

This time the power did go out - although only briefly.  Funny thing about my house - when the power goes out like that and then comes back on - my front door bell rings! The first time this happened a couple of years back I dutifully got out of bed (about 3am) and went to see who on earth would be ringing my door bell at that time of night!!  Looking back now I have a giggle when I think about it - I mean - I must have looked real silly standing at the door peering out into the dark looking for whoever was out there...ha!

This time I was much smarter......I just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep again reassured that the power was once again restored.....my trusty little door bell had let me know that!

The emotional 'storm' I referred to has been watching Team NZ try and win the America's Cup against the Oracle Syndicate in San Francisco.  This cup in the field of yachting is evidently the oldest sporting prize in the world.  Maybe storm is not the right word - more like an emotional roller coaster going through a storm!!

From the 'highs' in the early days of racing to the heartbreaking 'lows' we have been experiencing this week - its sure been emotional.  And now this morning to see the boats race knowing that the winner would 'take all' was VERY emotional.  The result of Oracle winning was devastating to all those of us supporting Team NZ.  It was like the whole of NZ was holding its breath!

If I am feeling this way - how much more will the guys who are actually on the team - those who have been planning, working, training, sailing for years - be feeling?  I can't even begin to imagine! Can I just add that I think our team under the leadership of Dean Barker and Grant Dalton have been exceptional in the way they have competed, conducted themselves and gone about their business - they are incredible role models to our young people.....makes me proud to be a kiwi!

But back to the storms.......in the greater scheme of things - a thunder storm is just a thunder storm and a yacht race is just a sport - but oh how they affect our emotions!  Both can make you feel tired - one from lack of sleep and the other because of seesawing emotions.

So how do all these rambling thoughts relate to what is really important in life?

I know for a fact that my God, my Heavenly Father, is the God of the heavens and the thunder storms are in His backyard....and He is in control. Psalm 91 verse 5 says we are not to fear the 'terror by night'.....I think that can include fierce thunder storms!  That whole Psalm in a favourite of mine. Verses 1 and 2 are awesome........'He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust"'.

So what about when you are emotionally exhausted and feeling devastated and disappointed?
I was so moved tonight as I watched the TV news and saw how the wives of our sailors are supporting and loving their husbands.  Particularly touching was Mandy, wife of Dean Barker.....how difficult for them as an intimate moment between them was broadcast around the world!  And yet, once again as they were interviewed they responded with integrity and honesty.

I am reminded of a song that was a favourite of Tony's....."Stand by your man"....ha!

But seriously, what an amazing example of standing by someone when they're down, of encouragement and support.  And in this crazy world - how much do we all need this?? Lots!
We all need to know there are those around us who will love, support, encourage and believe in us when the world deals us a tough hand........and it will, at some point!

A few days ago I put a quote on my facebook page that has challenged me......."People won't necessarily remember what you said or what you did - but they will remember how you made them feel".

Many years ago when I was a young student nurse, one of the girls I was flatting with had this saying on her bedroom wall.......'a smile costs nothing, but gives much'.
I'd like to amend this to.......'a smile and a hug costs nothing, but gives much'.
Maybe these little gestures will help someone else get through a storm :)

Till next time............

'Spring'

Hard to believe it is September already - but that does mean it's officially Spring in New Zealand. Such a lovely thought.....Spring!  The promise of summer just around the corner brings a smile.....but it's not here quite yet!

We have the spring weather to enjoy - or not! Sunny days, rainy days, windy days, cloudy days, still days, clear days, warm days, cool days......you name it....we get it in Spring!  It might be a beautiful sunny day so I think......must go for a walk on the beach........only to get there and the biting cold wind takes most of the enjoyment out of it and I rush home for a hot cup of something.

I've got that old song 'April Showers' going round in my head. Yes, I know it's not April but the sentiment of the song remains the same.  I wonder if I could change the words............
' Tho' September (April) showers may come your way.....they bring the flowers that bloom in October (May)...'  ha......maybe not!

But apart from the weather there are all the other signs of Spring that I enjoy.  The daffodils, the freesias, the lambs bouncing in the paddocks, the new growth on plants and trees, the days getting longer........all encourage me to get outside........to resist the temptation to just stay inside in the warm and lazily carry on in the winter mind set.

Maybe its a depletion of Vitamin D that makes me feel desperate for some sun on my back? Does a lack of Vitamin D cause cabin fever?? Or maybe its the simple fact that warm sunny days just make me feel happier?

This beautiful pot plant is bringing a touch of spring in my bedroom.........makes me smile when I look at it.....and also because it was given to me by a dear friend.  When she gave it to me last year it was blooming.....then it went through the long winter where it almost looked dead! Now look at it :-)

Seasons huh? The seasons of life - gotta love them - can't fight them - they come and go and there's absolutely nothing you or I can do about it! I remember my mother often saying "it's just a season" in response to my complaining about or struggling with some issue! I never really appreciated hearing that for some reason.....but of course I now know it is absolutely true :-)

Then there's the dreaded Spring Cleaning!!  I'm happy to say I have started on this.  Some years it was a bit of a non event, I must say, but this year it is MUCH needed so I have got myself organised and actually have a LIST on the fridge!  Yay.......a to do list!  I quite like lists, and I especially like crossing things OFF my list!  I have even been known to write things on my list that I have already done just so I can cross them off!!  How sad is that??

Last week I did quite a bit of waterblasting....felt so good! My decks are all sparkling and clean.....had to take a picture to show the difference.  Feel bad about how dirty they were though!

But Spring is also about promise.........and this is the bit I especially like!  The promise of summer and all that that represents.  I am indeed blessed to live by the beach - which I absolutely love - so naturally the summer weather is what suits best.  Love this view of Mangawhai Harbour - such a beautiful part of New Zealand.

Everything is different in summer.  What you wear, what you eat, what you do, where you go.......plus of course the celebration of Christmas and New Year........so much to look forward to.....so many plans to make, recipes to try, BBQ's to be had, cold glasses of white wine on a hot balmy evening, family and friends to catch up with, long walks on the beach, relaxed schedules, strawberries, cheeries...........

If you're anything like me, once you start thinking about how a season affects you in your physical life, your thoughts go to how it affects your soul and spirit as well.  Having been through a dark winter season in my life - in every area - I am relieved to feel that spring is touching my heart.  I know there are still ups and downs ahead - that is the nature of spring - but that's OK.....at least winter is fading....even if it seems painfully slow at times!

A couple of Scriptures that are good to meditate on when thinking about new seasons......
Isaiah 43:19 See I am doing a NEW thing! Now it SPRINGS up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Romans 15:13 May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Oh.....and the rest of that old song goes........
'So if its raining, have no regrets, because it isn't raining rain you know....it's raining violets
And where you see clouds upon the hills, you soon will see crowds of daffodils
So keep on looking for a bluebird and list'ning for his song
Wherever April (September) showers come along.'

AND........I emptied, cleaned and refilled the spa today......I'm going to go and cross that off my list right now!!

Till next time.................

Purpose

Over the last couple of weeks I have attended 2 women's events.  One was attended by 1100 women and the other by 100 women.  Both were good - no, make that excellent!  Although they were completely different.......I enjoyed both of them immensely.  The larger one was 'buzzing'........with that many women in one place I guess you'd have to expect that!  The smaller one was obviously more intimate.  For me, I had 'God' moments at both. Moments where the 'light comes on' with a thought or
an impression and a quiet knowing......yes, I am meant to be here.

Different is good! It's what makes up the kaleidoscope of our lives.....otherwise life would be dead boring wouldn't it? God must like 'different' too!  Why else would he have made us all unique?  In that large crowd of 1100 women I never saw 2 who looked alike!

At the larger gathering the theme was 'Body, Soul, Spirit'.....and we had teaching in each of these areas. Soooo good to hear balanced, practical teaching in the areas of our lives that make up who we are!

One of the thoughts that has stayed with me from the smaller gathering was about 'purpose'.  A sixty year old woman spoke of how she gets up in the morning with real purpose - she is vibrant and energetic and obviously loving her life.  That has made me think about my purpose.....about who I am and what I am doing.

For the 36 years of my married life I believed my main purpose was to work alongside, support and encourage my husband in whatever we decided we were meant to be doing at the time.  This included raising a family, farming, business, working in the local church and mission organizations.....among other things.  I still believe that and I don't regret it in any way.

However, I have now entered a different season of my life - albeit unexpected.  I am having to come to terms with many 'new' things.  One of these is almost a redefining of who I am.......that can be painful, scary, challenging....but hopefully in the end fulfilling and maybe even exciting!

God has made me unique just as He has every person on this planet.  I want and need to be true to who I am.  I desire to walk into the future along the path He has designed for me to walk.  This might include letting go of how I did things when I was one half of a couple (that's the scary bit) or changing how I view certain things because.....well....things are different now (that's the challenging bit).

So what is my purpose?  Hmmm.......that for me right now is a big question!  I know the overall response......is to carry the purpose of the King......and to fulfill my responsibilities to my family and my business - both of which I enjoy I must add!  I absolutely love being a grandmother.....and I don't believe my desire to fulfil my purpose in any way lessens the importance of my role as mother and grandmother.

So are these things my real purpose?  Or is passion a better word to be using? I feel there is something deep within me that wants to do more, see more, experience more, learn more, give more........and I don't think this is just about temporal things....this relates to eternal things.....things that are going to last forever.  And what are the things - for want of a better word - that are going to last forever?  People!!

Hmmm......so maybe by writing this I have answered my own question!!  Now that's an interesting thought....ha!

Oh....and can I just have a proud mother moment??  It gave me such joy to see my 2 daughters involved in the production of these 2 events I attended - one at each.....so proud of them!
3 John verse 4 says I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth!

Till next time.................

Glass half full or half empty?

Today I ventured outside for a walk in the sunshine.....nothing remarkable about that except it was the first time for 4 weeks!! I enjoy walking and for a considerable number of years it has been part of my life, so needless to say, I have REALLY missed it!

After experiencing a wonderful 4 weeks overseas recently, since returning home 4 weeks ago......I have been sick....unwelcome, unexpected and very frustrating!  I don't think there is anything special about the number 4??  But maybe I'm missing something!

It has been with great relief over the past couple of days to start to feel as though I might be getting better.  Sickness is horrible in all its shapes and forms, and yet it happens to most of us at some point in our lives in various ways.

One would have thought - great chance to catch up on all the reading I want to do!  Sadly, didn't even have the energy to do much of that - and I love to read!  So the last few weeks has been a lot of just doing nothing.....and I don't think I'm very good at that......but obviously my body just needed rest...and lots of it!

It's interesting to me how your thought life kind of 'takes off' when you doing nothing! I guess that's because that's all you're doing.  You have great ideas and thoughts about all sorts of things, what you'd like to do, where you'd like to go, what challenge you'd like to tackle....and so forth.....but when that all gets too exhausting....you just roll over and go back to sleep.....AGAIN!!

However, with a prolonged sickness can also come sadness, loneliness, depressive feelings and just feeling 'down' about life in general.....and it has been no different for me.....so it has been a real challenge some days to do something about those feelings. Added to those feelings for me now is also......what if I get really really ill? Who is going to look after me when I get old??
So what do I do?  For me, it has to be reading The Word and prayer.  Not prayer as in long, fancy sentences......but just simply.....'help me Lord, make me strong again.....Amen.'

As with anything in life, we are always faced with choices.  Being sick is no different......hence the title.....Glass half full or half empty?  If I am honest, my natural character traits would tend towards the glass half empty, so I have to work hard at not being that way.
Tony was a great example to me in this in that he was the glass half full kind of guy.  Over the years I learnt so much from him!

This time I've had confined to the house (big dose of cabin fever) has also made me think so much about those that suffer with prolonged, chronic, terminal type illnesses and conditions, and how THANKFUL I am that I am not in that situation, because at the end of the day......it could easily be me.....why not me?  I am so grateful to God for my health and strength, and even though I don't have a big amount of it right now, I can look forward to getting it back.  There are countless people out there who don't have that privilege.

My thoughts have naturally drifted to Tony over this time and how he suffered, how he hated what was happening to him, how he longed to get out and about and do the things he loved to do but couldn't.
I feel challenged.......did I do all I could for him?  What more could I have done?  I have to deal with those questions in my own way and with the Lord's help I will.

So what to do with the challenge?  And I guess that's the reason for this blog - are we (me included) all doing what we can in caring for our family and friends who are sick or confined to their house or bed? I have been touched by phone calls from a couple of elderly widows in my community who have health issues of their own, but just wanted to call me, say 'Hi' and encourage me.
And I am so grateful for family who care about me and for the friends who have taken the time to phone or call in........everything is appreciated!

So back to the glass half full thing!  I think these last 4 weeks have taught me quite a bit in this regard. I have much to be thankful for, even in the midst of feeling rotten, compared to countless people out there who are really suffering.......the kind of suffering I know nothing about.

The mind is such a powerful thing, I guess that's why we hear so much teaching about it - in the church and in the secular world.  The Word says.....be transformed by the renewing of your mind....

World renown Bible teacher Joyce Meyer has taught and wrote much about this subject.  Just before I left on my trip at the end of May, a close friend sent me something that I'd like to leave with you today (thank you Jude).
It is taken from Joyce Meyer's 'Renewing your mind and transforming your life by developing power thoughts' teachings.  12 really great statements to meditate on..............

1.   I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ.
2.   God loves me unconditionally.
3.   I will not live in fear.
4.   I am difficult to offend and quick to forgive.
5.   I love people and I enjoy helping them.
6.   I trust God completely, there is no need to worry.
7.   I am content and emotionally stable.
8.   God meets all my needs abundantly.
9.   I pursue peace with God, myself and others.
10. I live in the present and enjoy each moment.
11. I am disciplined and self-controlled.
12. I put God first in my life.

If I can get all these things happening in my life........the glass will always be half full.....ha!!

Till next time..........................................

The Lemon Tree

I recently put a photo of a bowl of lemons on my face book page - which resulted in a few interesting comments.  There's nothing remarkable about a bowl of lemons except in this case, they came from my own little lemon tree and I was quite excited about it, particularly as I love lemons!
But it's got me thinking! You see, this little lemon tree is the most unlikely looking tree to produce anything.  We planted it 3 years ago and it has remained the same since then.  No obvious signs of growth, in fact, at times it looked like it was dying!

Admittedly, the soil here is very sandy so it was probably a big ask expecting it to thrive.  We dug a very big hole ( for a little plant ) and put lots of compost in thinking we'd give it the best start in life we could.
Now I am not one of those people who have "green fingers".  Sure, I like the garden to look nice and I can weed and trim, but I'm no expert and I don't have the passion to spend hours out there.  I can grow lettuces and spinach - but then anyone can do that!

But back to the lemon tree.  Of course I watered it (on and off) and pulled threatening weeds out from round its little trunk from time to time, but other than that, I have done nothing......other than at times wondering if I should pull it out!
So to now have picked over a dozen lovely lemons off this little tree has been a welcome surprise to say the least!

During the hours of last night when sleep was elusive, I got to thinking about my lemon tree and realized there is a great analogy to be drawn here.
This little tree has very determinedly stuck to what it was created to do - produce lemons - in spite of not being obviously healthy or thriving.  So how has it done that?

It would be very interesting to slice through a section of the earth around where it is planted and have a look at its root structure. It must have sent out little feelers all over the place to find nutrients, because I doubt very much whether there would much around the immediate area where it's planted.
So in spite of no obvious growth in the tree itself, there is a life system inside that must be strong and a lot more vigorous than is obvious to the eye.

It's strange but somehow I feel an infinity to this little tree.  We (Tony and I ) planted it together soon after moving into this home and at a time when the Parkinsons Disease was really kicking in.  So now 3 years on with it producing the way it has, it has got me thinking about my inner state - how healthy is it, what am I producing, how strong is my root structure?

So often in this world we are too concerned with the outward appearance when what really matters is the state of our heart and the strength of our foundations.

It could almost be said that this little tree is growing in desert like conditions (the soil is almost that bad!)
I read something recently about grief being a desert experience.

'Can it be true that the riches of life that we need can be found in the desert - a place that symbolizes loneliness? Yes, God knows our need for a desert experience. He knows exactly where and how to produce enduring qualities in us. What a loving God we have!  We never know where God has hidden His streams. We see a large stone and have no idea that it covers the source of a spring.  We see a rocky area and never imagine that it is hiding a fountain.  God leads me into hard and difficult places and it is there I realize I am where eternal streams abide.'  (from Streams in the Desert)

How important is it for us to stay connected to the Source of Life!!

Something else I read recently that really made me take notice related to being a widow (really don't like that word!).  The fact is - women whose husbands die lose 75% of their friendships, 60% experience health issues, one third are clinically depressed one year later and most face financial hardship.  My goodness - this is sobering!

But the amazing thing is - God cares so much about widows He mentions them over 100 times in Scripture!  He's a 'defender of widows' Psalm 85:5.   He 'watches over and sustains them' Psalm 146:9 .....are just two examples.

So what is the connection from the lemon tree.....to the desert.......to being a widow?
Good question!

The challenge for me - and maybe for someone else reading this -  is in my desert experience what am I producing?  Am I determinedly standing firm on my foundations and thereby producing what I have been designed to produce even if it is taking longer than I'd like?  Or am I allowing my desert experience - in my case being a widow - to make me another sad statistic?

And can I just say........well I can as it's my blog...ha!  If you have widows in your family or circle of friends....include them, love them, encourage them!  Ask them how their lemon tree is growing?  Ha!

Till next time...........

My Tribute

A few months ago I wrote this.......and today being Tony's 60th birthday seems a fitting day to share it!

MY BEAUTIFUL MAN

My beautiful man you've gone
I met you when I was 10 and said goodbye when I was 55
That's a whole lot of time of living, loving, giving, sharing
I stretch my arm out in the bed - it's cold
I'm dull, heavy with sleep
I remember where you are and relax
All is well for you are safe, healed and free.

So many things I miss
45 years of knowing you and 36 married
There's a lot to miss!
Your cheerfulness in the mornings
Your love for the outdoors, the sea, the hills
Your strong arm to protect and comfort
My sounding board, my encourager
My greatest fan who loved me no matter what
Defended me, supported me, believed in me.

The legacy you left us is huge
As time goes by I see it more and more
In our children, in the grandson you never knew
You impacted our lives like no other person
There's a hole in our family that will never be filled
You gave us so much
A reservoir to draw from for the rest of our lives.

Most of all you taught us about loving God
You lived it out in front of us, you led by example
Your faith was real, not fake
You loved God with a vengeance
Your trust in Him complete
This is the greatest legacy of all.
You taught us how to live with God at the centre
You showed us by your life
By doing that you equipped us with everything we need for the future
You couldn't have done anything more!

My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you are still with me
I see you in our kids - their strength of character
The attitudes and expressions of our daughters
The tilt of the head, the gestures by our son
And when I look into the big brown eyes of our grandson
I am reminded of you.

The physical part of 'us' that was you has gone
Life for me will never ever be the same
Growing old together will never be an option -
Even though we talked and dreamed of it
I can, and do go on, but from a different place
Walking a different road.

My beautiful man, I don't wish you back here
Fighting a cruel disease that robed you of everything you loved
But I miss you, I miss you everyday
Somedays I just don't know what to do with that
So I go back to my God, to our God, and rest
Knowing that you are with Him
And that He is with me here, and again I find my peace.

Sometimes when I am reading the Word
And come across your favourite verses - I hear your voice
Sometimes in a song, I hear you sing
And I think, how wonderful you are now with the Author of your favourite Book
And you will be singing His praises, strong and true.

Memories can be wonderful, humourous, heartbreaking
A favourite walk, an oft visited place,
The cafe with the best latte and slice,
The movie theatre, the beach, the rugby ground
Or the memorabilia - a fishing rod, a waterski
A bike, a tennis racket, a rugby ball
Reminders of a life lived to the full.

Somedays I long for a hug, a tender look
To have your physical presence again
The loneliness is real, sometimes raw and painful
I take myself to my quiet place, my special spot
I gaze out to sea, think about you, write my thoughts
Let the tears come and allow God to comfort me
His Word says He collects all my tears - and I believe it!
Peace comes again.

My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you're still here
And I love that!

The final leg......

Well it seems getting started on our long journey home is proving more of a challenge than I thought......the best laid plans and all that!  But as we have found so many times on this trip already.....anything can happen when you are travelling and you have to roll with the punches a bit or you'd get very bitter and twisted!

But to back track a little.....

Our last official day of the tour was very pleasant. We spent the morning wandering around Heidleberg, which we had already been to, but were very happy to return to, as it so happens that the very best apple strudel can be found there! So we all indulged in some of that (again) before heading to Frankfurt.

Our group once again diminished in numbers as we said goodbye to four fellow travellers who are staying on in Europe and the UK.

So we are now down to seven of us who are returning to NZ. We had a very long afternoon at Frankfurt airport yesterday before boarding our flight to Singapore - due to leave at 10pm.

However!!! At around that time a freak electrical storm broke over Frankfurt which did not feel very nice! We were all boarded in the plane waiting to take off and the wind was buffeting us around, then the thunder and lightning started! Then the dreaded voice over the intercom......" Hello folks, this is the Captain......"the bad news....we couldn't take off right then, but the good news was we could in a couple of hours! So we stayed on board....and sat....and sat.......

When the storm finally eased and we had clearance to fly, there was a long queue of aircraft waiting to do the same......Frankfurt is an incredibly busy airport!

Sadly by the time it was our turn it was too late!! The airport closes at a certain time after midnight for a few hours and we had missed the window of time.

It was then decided to disembark! They didn't even take us back to the terminal....we were parked off somewhere in the back blocks of runways and lights.....so they brought a whole bunch of buses to the plane....go figure that! Back to the terminal we went then onto different buses and out into the streets of Frankfurt bound for who knows where! Our bus driver certainly didn't because we travelled for over an hour into the deepest darkest countryside.....no hotels in sight.....not even street lights! After some wrong turns and a couple of reversals (yes, reversals) we arrived in a town and pulled up outside a hotel. The other 2 bus loads were in bed by then!  I can't remember the name of the town or the hotel .....but by 3am I crawled into bed.....yay!

I must admit though, Singapore Airlines did their best for us under difficult circumstances and the hotel was very nice:-)

We had to leave our suitcases on the plane so only had our hand luggage, which doesn't really have the stuff you need like toiletries! We were given a toothbrush and toothpaste by the hotel thankfully. I should have asked if they had 'essential kits'........for those Brian Regan fans out there:-)

Midday today we were picked up and bused back to the airport......and here's the funny bit.....it took about 15 minutes!! Ha.....so heaven only knows where we went last night!

It took a lot of palava to get everyone organised on new flights today and the airport was crazy busy.....people....planes....insane!!  Never mind, we are finally winging our way to Singapore. Might try and get some sleep......hmmm.....fat chance huh?

It is now early afternoon on Saturday and I'm sitting in a hotel room in Singapore.....courtesy of Singapore Airlines.  We are due to continue our flight onto Auckland this evening as long as the smoke doesn't overtake us! It's everywhere here, quite thick and strong smell, evidently from fires in Malaysia.

The drama continues....... I just hope and pray we end up on the plane that is also carrying our luggage....now there's a thought!!

So I think it's time to sign off for now. I will probably continue to write my blog in the future which will no doubt include more reflections of my time away. It certainly has been eventful.....what with floods, storms, heat waves, fires.....and that's just weather related! But of course, it has been so much more than that, I have seen so much......so much to think about and ponder on, learnt more about myself and the world around me. Nothing is wasted in this life so I know I will draw on these past few weeks somehow and someway.

I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for His love and protection over me (and all of us) these past weeks. There have been moments all along the way where I have felt His nearness and well...His thumbprint....and that makes everything OK! Such a faithful God, 100% trustworthy!

Looking forward to standing on home soil tomorrow :-)

Till next time........