Preparing the house for visitors, planning menus, buying food, cooking food, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, Christmas, New Year, eating, family, friends, fun, boating, fishing, water skiing, swimming, beach games, hot nights, afternoon naps, movies, watching tennis, babysitting, laundry, bread making, laughter, tears, memories, story telling, fireworks, music, photos, noise, dirty dishes (thank the Lord for a dishwasher), BBQ's, lots of coffee, a little wine, many emotions.........phew!
What a blessed position to be in - to have so many lovely memories:)
It was a real priviledge to host all my family for Christmas this year and a few special friends as well - did my heart good - but I must admit I was very aware of who wasn't with us. My husband and best friend was missing and I was keenly aware of it. He was always my right hand man when we had a house full of people - so ready to help me wherever - always quick to initiate - motivate - whatever was needed at the time. It has been such an adjustment for me to 'pick up' things that I used to leave to him to do, but also to learn to ask others to help me.
When you have operated in a partnership for a long time - it is not easy to suddenly change the way you do things and ask others to help or do something that would normally be done by your partner. Of course, people are always willing to help - the change has to come in me and the way I do life. That's the challenge!
Families are great though aren't they? Gotta love them.....can't choose them...ha! God certainly knew what He was doing when He came up with that idea:) My mother used to say "home/family is where you are treated the best and behave the worst"!! Yes, well, we have all had those days!
There are other precious members of our family that are not with us anymore when we gather - and we miss them all.........so it was lovely this year to have some new members - 2 little ones and a new daughter in law.
This past week I had the priviledge of looking after my 20 month old grandson Owen. He is one busy little guy.......who needs lots of activity and fresh air.......but oh so cute! We had so much fun and its not difficult to get him laughing - which is a delightful sound. It's amazing how things change though. When my children were that age I was busy with not only being a mother, but keeping up with the demands of running a household, helping my husband when I could on the farm and being involved in church ministry. Now as a grandmother when I am babysitting - that's all I do!!! Woohoo.......everything else can wait......and you know what.......it doesn't matter!!
So from now life will return to some sort of normality. Family members are back busy with their jobs and lives and my thoughts turn to the year ahead.
One of the struggles with grief is the 'aloneness' you feel. It wouldn't be right to say I'm lonely, as I have family and friends around me.......but 'aloneness' is a different thing. That is something no other person can actually help you with, it is something that is always there and something you have to learn to live with. My kids have their own lives to lead - and I wouldn't have it any other way. The same goes for friends - everyone's lives are full and busy - that's life!
So how to cope with the 'aloneness'? For me it always comes back to my faith in God - He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. So I must continually go back to a place of quietness and rest - knowing that He is always with me - no matter how I am feeling.
A few days ago a friend called in and we had a good catch up for a couple of hours. We talked about how it is just over 2 years since Tony died and what might be ahead for me. She encouraged me that it is now a time for me to 'be strengthened' and quoted a line from a verse in Isaiah 30 "in quietness and trust is your strength". I really like that!
I have found along with the spiritual encouragement, I also need things to look forward to in the natural. So I am looking forward to a few days away with a couple of friends at the end of February - a kind of 'girls time out' - and I will continue to plan things along the way as the year stretches out before me.
I don't know about you but I'm not a great one for New Years resolutions.......however I like to think this year will be full of growth - of character, wisdom and spiritual strength - and of love and laughter!
Tony used to say 'the best is yet to come'........that's a great outlook right there!
Till next time.............
