Amsterdam, Aalsmeer, Volendam and more......

Today has been one very long day, crammed with so much activity.....where to start?? John, our tour leader, said today that these trips are not holidays - they're adult education - and after the last couple of days I'm agreeing with him!

Following a very early wake up call  (5:30am) we headed out of Amsterdam to a little town called Aalsmeer - home of the largest flower auction in the world. I wasn't really sure what to expect but what we saw was mind blowing! Vast buildings filled with huge stacked trolleys of flowers, linked together like little trains being pulled around by cute motorised cart things with the driver standing up. The size of the operation is hard to comprehend - its really one of those things you have to see to believe!

The flowers were incredibly beautiful - of every type and colour. My favourites were the hydrangeas......absolutely stunning.  

The auctions are run electronically, with bidders sitting in a tiered room like a lecture hall, each with their own computers. Everything is so fast and efficient.  The place is situated close to the airport and flowers can be bought early in the morning and later that day will be in the shops in New York!

I am so pleased to got to see this - well worth getting up some so early for!

Flower trains

The rest of the day was spent visiting several places around the greater Amsterdam area, including seeing how clogs are made, getting up close with some windmills, cheese tasting, souvenir shopping and a very pleasant visit to Volendam - a quaint fishing village - where the cute houses make you want to take too many photos!!

Our tour guide today was a woman called Corrie - Dutch of course! If I closed my eyes she almost sounded like my dear friend Anke (also Dutch).....how wonderful it would have been to been shown around her home country by her! Another time perhaps..... but of course, Corrie did a wonderful job :-)

Mid afternoon we headed back into the city to connect with our boat the Amadeus Princess, to begin our river cruise. I was so looking forward to this......and getting a little bit of personal space that I can call home for the next 15 days. It is quite something - 110 metres long and 11 metres wide with 4 levels of deck - certainly unlike anything we see in our waters. 

My cabin is very comfortable with sliding glass doors that you can open if you want the fresh air blowing in.

I had a 'wobbly' moment when I walked out on the open top deck and surveyed the scene. Here I am about to embark on a cruise in some of the most interesting water ways in the world and the one person I know who would love this is not with me. Tony would have so enjoyed this experience........

Tonight we were welcomed with a special Captains dinner - 5 courses! I only managed 4 :-)

But what was more memorable for me was we just had a jolly good laugh - at our table anyway.  Maybe we are all a little crazy with tiredness but it felt good to laugh till we cried over various things.

Interesting too for me, so far I have had some really good conversations with other women in our group who are also widows. One women lost her husband 12 years ago, one 5 years ago, one 4 years ago and one just 12 months ago. I remember thinking and praying in the past, when I was going through difficult days with Tony, how wonderful it would have been to be able to talk to others in similar situations. 

And now here I find myself, on the other side of the world, talking to women, sharing stories, encouraging each other......amazing how the Lord works in our lives. He absolutely knows best what we need and when we need it because He is a loving, faithful Heavenly Father.

Tonight we stay the night here at the dock, as we have more to see around Amsterdam tomorrow morning. Then around midday we leave this busy city and head off down the river.

Now as I sit in my cabin and look out at the lights twinkling on the water......I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father knows where I am in the world, He is taking care of me, and right now that's all that matters as I lay my weary head on my pillow!

Till next time...............

Amsterdam

Arriving in Amsterdam at 6:30AM was a bit of a shock to the system after the heat of Singapore! It was very cool to say the least, so it was on with the jackets and scarves!

We boarded our bus and headed for our hotel which turned out to be right in the city centre. After a rather gruelling flight it was very delicious to walk into my room and breath a sigh of relief, dump my bags, kick off my shoes and crash on the inviting looking bed!

But not for long!! None of us were about to waste time sleeping! As we had arrived right at breakfast time we were free to go into the hotel's restaurant and help ourselves. Of course, we had been served a breakfast on the plane.....but that didn't seem to to stop any of us having another one!!! Oh dear....I think I will be rolling home from this holiday!

So today has been a free day to do as we please. This morning a few of us chose to do a city tour by bus, which turned out to be really good, especially as it was raining a little. It gave us a good overall impression of the city. Following that 4 of us opted to visit Madame Tussaud's....pleased I did too....it was fun and I was able to catch up with a few good looking people!!

After that I thought I better have a bit of culture so went and viewed an exhibition of Rembrandt's paintings, which was exceptional.  Incredible God given talent that artist had!

I chose to wander the streets for awhile on my own this afternoon......nothing like a bit of people watching....it kind of helps to get the feel of the place.  So many nationalities here, so many faces, such a different feel here than at home.....I'm still mulling over in my mind my impressions....

Of course coming to Europe one is always struck by the age of the buildings, the beautiful architecture, the history......and so on. I have never been to this part of Europe before so EVERYTHING is interesting!

One very important thing I learnt today is the difference here between a coffee house and a cafe. If you want a good coffee go to a cafe, if you're not so worried what your coffee is like.....then take the other option......you'll find all sorts on offer!! All legal here of course......ha!

You'll be pleased to know I skipped lunch......after 2 breakfasts it seemed the right thing to do! But I did succumb to a little afternoon tea.....the smell of the waffles just go to me I'm afraid.....warm waffle with chocolate sauce.....hmmmmm!

Early this evening we visited the Anne Frank museum.  Seeing this place is very sobering and moving. It is the actual house and secret rooms where Anne and her family, along with a few others, hid during the Second World War. The fear of the Nazis, especially for the Jews, reigned during that time and standing in that house - in those rooms - brings into clear focus what it must have been like for Anne and her family.  How grateful we must always be for those who fought in past wars against evil.

The day ended with a welcome dinner for our tour group in a fabulous little restaurant.

As we wandered back to our hotel I realised it was nearly 10pm and it was only just getting dark.  We crossed over several canals and in the dusk with the lights coming on everything looked so beautiful.

Its been a wonderful day in this intriguing city but we have a 5:30am wake up call in the morning to go to the flower markets - the largest one in the world!!  So this weary traveller better get some sleep!

Till next time.......

Singapore

I'm so pleased I got to visit this little part of Asia......but oh dear, one day was so not enough time!

Everything people told me about the place was true.....funny that!

We arrived about 7pm and it was still 30 degrees.....the heat hits you in the face as you step out from the airport doors.

Our hotel was the Swissotel Merchant Court, a great location and lovely place to stay.

After checking in I headed for the pool......that was a great decision. So beautifully lit up at night, balmy, tropical......just fell into the water and felt instantly rejuvenated!

As there was a pool side restaurant I decided to try a cocktail called Singapore Sling - can't remember what was in it but it tasted wonderful. I lay beside the pool staring into the night sky and kind of had to pinch myself that everything was real.

Another lady from our group came and joined me and we chatted away......it was all so relaxed and beautiful and well......just a perfect start to my adventure.

This morning the breakfast at the hotel was outstanding.....everything you could want to eat and more.

After that I teamed up with 3 others and we got a taxi to Gardens by the Bay.....an incredible place of beauty, trees, flowers, creativity, architecture, water......well worth a visit. Then it was up 57 floors in a lift to the rooftop restaurant of an incredible building with views over the whole of Singapore.

We cooled off with a tiger beer - a favourite here - and it seemed rude not to try it!! It got the thumbs up....nothing like a cold beer on a hot day and today was hot hot hot!!

I chose to spend some time on my own in the afternoon and ventured out to have a wander.....tried some beautiful food.....browsed some shops......generally just cruised!

Now we are sitting at the airport getting ready to board our 14 hour (yes 14) flight to Amsterdam! I won't be sorry when that is behind us but that's the way it is.......

I am enjoying getting to know the others on the tour......it's getting easier all the time and I am so aware of the Lord's presence with me.....He really is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Till next time......

Here we go!

We are three quarters of the way to Singapore as I write this....it's taking a long time to get across Australia...such a vast country! But the good thing is we are finally on our way!

Last night I must admit I had a few 'wobbles'....well about 4am to be exact. I woke with a sharp pain in my neck and shoulder - something that had been troubling me for the last couple of weeks. Some friends had been praying for me in regard to this and I had really felt it easing, so when it came back with a vengeance I was a little alarmed and my peace threatened to go out the window. What if this pain is something serious, what if it gets worse while I'm away, what will happen if I get sick, who will look after me, maybe I should have gone to the doctor.....blah, blah, blah.

So I had to take myself in check, give myself a good talking to and then pray - lots! I found some anti inflammatory gel in my first aid kit (which every good traveller should have they tell me) applied some of that and went back to bed. As I lay down I felt the Lord's peace in a very real way and instead of lying there awake I just went back to sleep!

Just before 7am a text came in. Good timing as I had planned to get up at 7! It was from an old friend wishing me well and encouraging me to 'go for it'. But the most exciting thing was the scripture he included - Nehemiah 8:10B Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!

I was so encouraged as that was the second time this week I had been given that verse. The interesting thing is though, I had never before taken notice of the 'Do not sorrow' bit, and this week that just hit me between the eyes!

Actually over the last 18 months a lot of people have quoted that verse to me but just the joy of the Lord is your strength bit, and to be honest I have not received it well, in fact it often left me frustrated. The last thing I felt was joy. But anyway, I have had a lightbulb moment with that verse this week - twice - and it's all good!

So back to this morning - when I woke I realised I felt quite good and I was going to be OK! I think that had a lot more to do with the prayer than the anti inflammatory. I know we have an enemy out there who wants to rob us of joy, of anything good, and well.....just life!

So thank you Lord, you are true to your Word.

So now we are getting close to arriving in Singapore. I have met most of our tour group and am feeling a lot more relaxed. I am reminded of a wall hanging a family friend had hanging in their house when I was a kid - 'there are no strangers here, just friends we haven't met yet'

That's a good thing for me to remember as I go on this holiday with a bunch of strangers - ha!

When my son Heath asked me yesterday  if I was excited about my trip I said, no not actually excited, a little apprehensive actually. His response to me was "sort it out Mum". Kids eh?

Well now I've watched 3 movies, enjoyed a nice meal, had a chat with some new friends, written this blog, about to have a read......I think I'm sorting it out quite nicely!!

Till next time.......

 

Sleep.......where is it?

It's 1AM! I would love to be asleep but obviously I'm not!

Sleep is a wonderful thing - when you can do it at the right time and place. It can be such an incredible healing feeling waking up from healthy sleep.

Sadly for me, that has not been the case much over the last few years (until recently that is).

Being the care giver for your spouse takes a huge toll on many areas of your life and for me, sleep was something that got completely messed up! Looking back I realize I was sleep deprived for 2 - 3 years.

Of course, I am coming out the other side of that now - but it doesn't happen overnight. You would think when you are released from the burden of caring for a sick person that you would just fall back into old patterns and be able sleep as long and as much as you like, thereby 'catching up' somehow.

That is not the case! I have read somewhere that the amount of time it has taken in getting to an extremely tired state both physically and emotionally, is the amount of time you will need to recover and get back to a normal state - phew - that's a big chunk of time!

I have learned through this process to kind of 'go with the flow'. It's no use beating yourself up in the  middle of the night if you can't sleep....so I usually just turn the light on and read for a little while or write in my journal until you find myself getting sleepy again. Obviously there are things you can do to develop good habits as well, and these shouldn't be overlooked, but for me it has been important to have a relaxed attitude as much as possible.

I must admit I did resort to using sleeping tablets for awhile, and again I didn't worry about that as I knew it would just be for a season....and it was! After a period of time I believe I had a mental addiction to them - more mental than physical - as some nights they had no effect on me but I still felt very strongly I needed to take them! One day the opportunity arose for me to have someone pray with me about this and I knew it was time to stop taking them. So I decided to just stop! Cold turkey like....even though the doctor had told me it would be very hard for me to get off them. Such is the power of prayer though! I believe I was delivered of that dependency - that was about a year ago now. Thank you Lord!

                                          July 2012 - taking a nap with my grandson Owen

So by now you are probably wondering why on earth I am awake at 1AM talking about sleep problems if I don't have a major problem in that area anymore? Well, having sleepless nights occasionally is pretty normal for most people I would guess....especially when you have a lot on your mind.

And I do.....have a lot on my mind that is! In a few days time I am leaving on a trip that while being exciting, is also stepping out of my comfort zone somewhat! I am going on a tour to Europe - river cruising actually. It sounds amazing doesn't it? Like something you dream about doing? Well I'm actually going to do it!! Yep, getting on one of those amazing looking river boats in Amsterdam and cruising the Rhine and Danube Rivers for 15 days before getting off in Budapest. Maybe you're thinking - what's so amazing about that? Well the amazing thing is I'm going with 22 other people and I don't know a single one of them! That's what I mean about stepping out of my comfort zone.

                                               This will be my home for 2 weeks soon!

This is definitely a first for me. I have enjoyed a bit of travel in the past, but always with family or friends, and especially with Tony, my late husband and best friend. We had plans to do a lot more travelling together too - until our lives got interrupted by a cruel disease. We had talked of going on a cruise - actually more than one to be honest - but sadly it never happened.

But now it is - for me at least. I know it's going to be bitter/sweet - going without him - but I believe he would be cheering me on and saying "go for it".  So I am going to "go for it" and I am going to make the most of every moment. I know I am going to see, hear and taste amazing things and I'm praying I will make some new friends that will be compatible and fun.

Even as I write this I realise it has taken a long time for me to get to the point of allowing myself to get a little excited about what is ahead....but I think I am starting to feel that emotion - excitement - and it's OK!!

It's now 1:48AM.......still don't feel sleepy.......could it be excitement??

Till next time..............

Mothers and Beaches

There's nothing that really connects the words Mothers and Beaches for me other than both have been on my mind this week!

Last Sunday was Mother's Day in this part of the world.  I still miss my Mum.  She went to live in heaven in 2002 - that's quite a few years ago - and yet I still miss her.  What I would have given to have been able to pick up the phone and talk to her over recent years!  There were times when I was feeling desperate in dealing with the wretched disease of Parkinson's that I would have LOVED to just talk to my Mum!  There's nothing quite like a chat with your Mum :-)
She was a pretty special woman my Mum.  Her name was Grace - and she was - gracious that is!
She was an example to me of a woman who had a heart after God.  She lovingly and faithfully served her husband and family her whole life, along with serving in her church and community.
The last fifteen or so years of her life were not easy for her.  Her health deteriorated and she battled pain and discomfort in various ways.  But her spirit and faith remained strong and she always had a hug and a smile!  Her Bible was never far from her and she wrote copious notes about different verses and thoughts or teachings she had heard.  I have a few of those and I can't bring myself to throw them away because they are in her handwriting.  One of her favourite verses was James 4:8 'draw near to God and He will draw near to you'.......and I always think of her when I read it.

                                                            My mother - Grace

She was also the most amazing grandmother - whom my kids adored!
Now as I have begun my journey as a grandmother I often think of her and how she helped and supported me when I was having my babies.  She was just there!!  How I so appreciated that - now even more! She has always given me something to aspire to - and it still continues on - I love that!

This Mother's Day there were some 'firsts' in my family.  It was the first Mother's Day for my daughter Tash - as she is now the mother of a little boy who is about to turn one.  And for me, for the first time I have a daughter in law, Courtney - a relationship I am enjoying - especially as she and my son Heath are living with me in this big house!

So my Mother's Day was a nice day, even though I had moments of sadness as I thought about not having my husband with me anymore, it was a good day.  I had lovely messages from my two daughters, son in law and grandson, flowers, CD's, a hug from my son and pancakes cooked for me for breakfast by him and Courtney - a warm and welcome start to the day - and coffee out with my daughter in law :-)  I am blessed!

As you journey through Grief, certain days and dates can trip you up big time. The firsts are always hard - first birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc. In May last year was my first Mother's Day as a widow, so I can now testify that this year was definitely easier!  I take encouragement from that - that I am moving forward and I'm not 'stuck' because that is definitely a place I don't want to be!

Mother's Day here was also a beautiful day weather wise. A magic late autumn day - blue skies, sunshine and just a little cool.  In the afternoon (after my nana nap) I walked to the beach, then ended up walking right along the ocean beach. Mangawhai Heads ocean beach is a stunning place to walk especially when the tide is out - as it was last Sunday afternoon.   There were couples, families, dogs, kids, fishermen, a few keen swimmers and surfers - all out just enjoying the magic of this place. You kind of got the feeling everyone was making the most of the sun before the long cold winter sets in!

                                                      Mangawhai Heads

So I just walked along enjoying it all with music playing in my ears from my iphone. Inevitably a sadness came over me - because the beach and the sea was one of Tony's most favourite places to be on this planet and we often walked that stretch of beach together. So naturally, when I go there I think of him.
I have found in my grief process, it is better to let myself feel the emotion, feel the pain of loss, and not try to shut it out.  So often when I'm walking on the beach the tears will come as I let myself remember my husband and soul mate who is no longer with me.  Last Sunday, however, while there was sadness - there were no tears.  Just a quiet peace that I know where Tony is - and it's a good place - and that I am OK!
And also, it's OK for me to enjoy the beauty of creation on my own - but of course I am never alone - my Heavenly Father, who is also the Creator of all the beauty around me,  holds me in the palm of His hand all the time!

                                                      Late afternoon shadows.....

So yes, Mothers and Beaches.........for me a time to remember and reflect on two special people in my life, who though no longer with me, have left an indelible imprint on my life that will never leave me!
I am blessed!

Till next time.............

You have to start somewhere!

Well today is the day!  I have been thinking of starting a blog for so long...... and now today, I am finally getting on to it - with the help of my daughter in law Courtney, I must add!
For years I have written a personal journal, dabbled in a little writing of articles, poems and a few songs and always enjoyed it.  Something inside me wants to do more with it - but what?
Who would want to read it?  Do I really have anything to write about that is of value?
In answering my own questions - I think how I always enjoy reading other people's stories, everyone has a story after all. So I don't imagine I'm that different to others, if I enjoy reading people's stories - someone out there might enjoy reading mine!  More than that though, I really hope and pray my story may encourage someone else in their journey, maybe bring a smile and plant a seed of hope in someone's heart.  I know as I have journeyed through my life, I have often drawn strength, joy and hope from reading the words written from another's heart.
My one major regret today however, is that I didn't start this a couple of years ago.  At that time I was struggling to care for my husband Tony, who had an aggressive form of Parkinson's Disease. This condition had invaded our lives as an unwelcome intruder and had turned our lives upside down as we struggled to cope with it's devastating affects on his body. Then nearly 18 months ago my life took another huge 'u turn' as I dealt with his sudden death from a cardiac arrest - he was only 58!
Needless to say, the last few years of my life have been an emotional roller coaster that I have been riding, unable to get off but just hanging on, trying to cope with all that has been happening to me.
During this time I was never able to quite connect with anyone else who was on the same roller coaster - although I'm sure there are many people out there.
Of course I had family and friends who have supported me and stayed close, and for that I am very grateful.  But most of all I can honestly say my relationship with God has grown and deepened.  The Bible says that He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother - and I've found that to be true!  He is always there for me - whether I am happy, sad, lonely, desperate, lost, in pain, angry, overwhelmed - whatever the emotion of the moment - I know my God is with me, and for that I am eternally grateful!

I have 2 main reasons for starting this blog.  Firstly that it will help me develop some writing skills, and secondly and more importantly, that it will help and encourage someone else who maybe walking a difficult road.  I realize in writing my thoughts and feelings comes a feeling of vulnerability - of revealing my heart - but sometimes with that also comes a healing. So here goes!!

Last year 2012, was a huge year for me.  The first year of being single again, even just saying that sounds strange after being married for 36 years!  But back to last year - so much happened in my family. My eldest daughter Vanessa (in Australia) was without work for quite a few months - which was a very difficult time for her and my heart was to support her as much as I could. My second daughter Natasha and her husband Jonty celebrated the birth of their first child - a little boy - but he came 6 weeks premature!  So that was quite an journey for us all!  Then my son Heath got married to his American sweetheart at the end of the year in the States - which the whole family travelled to attend.
I am very happy to say that now, May 2013, all is well with my family.  Vanessa is in a job she loves. My grandson Owen, who is nearly a year old, is doing wonderfully well, and Heath and Courtney are happily married and living in NZ!  God is good!!

So what now?  I guess the name of my blog 'Where to from here?' kind of sums up how I'm feeling about my life at the moment.  There is a sense of anticipation in my spirit that there is something up ahead for me that will be good.  Not that there aren't good things happening now - I so LOVE my family and my little grandson  - but I suspect there is more.  God is good like that!

I am soon to embark on some travel - which I guess is another reason to 'blog' - I will have lots to write about I'm sure.  Having said that, I don't want it to be 'just another travel blog'.  I really hope and pray I can weave into it some of what I am learning as I journey through this thing called Grief.

So till next time.............