A few months ago I wrote this.......and today being Tony's 60th birthday seems a fitting day to share it!
MY BEAUTIFUL MAN
My beautiful man you've gone
I met you when I was 10 and said goodbye when I was 55
That's a whole lot of time of living, loving, giving, sharing
I stretch my arm out in the bed - it's cold
I'm dull, heavy with sleep
I remember where you are and relax
All is well for you are safe, healed and free.
So many things I miss
45 years of knowing you and 36 married
There's a lot to miss!
Your cheerfulness in the mornings
Your love for the outdoors, the sea, the hills
Your strong arm to protect and comfort
My sounding board, my encourager
My greatest fan who loved me no matter what
Defended me, supported me, believed in me.
The legacy you left us is huge
As time goes by I see it more and more
In our children, in the grandson you never knew
You impacted our lives like no other person
There's a hole in our family that will never be filled
You gave us so much
A reservoir to draw from for the rest of our lives.
Most of all you taught us about loving God
You lived it out in front of us, you led by example
Your faith was real, not fake
You loved God with a vengeance
Your trust in Him complete
This is the greatest legacy of all.
You taught us how to live with God at the centre
You showed us by your life
By doing that you equipped us with everything we need for the future
You couldn't have done anything more!
My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you are still with me
I see you in our kids - their strength of character
The attitudes and expressions of our daughters
The tilt of the head, the gestures by our son
And when I look into the big brown eyes of our grandson
I am reminded of you.
The physical part of 'us' that was you has gone
Life for me will never ever be the same
Growing old together will never be an option -
Even though we talked and dreamed of it
I can, and do go on, but from a different place
Walking a different road.
My beautiful man, I don't wish you back here
Fighting a cruel disease that robed you of everything you loved
But I miss you, I miss you everyday
Somedays I just don't know what to do with that
So I go back to my God, to our God, and rest
Knowing that you are with Him
And that He is with me here, and again I find my peace.
Sometimes when I am reading the Word
And come across your favourite verses - I hear your voice
Sometimes in a song, I hear you sing
And I think, how wonderful you are now with the Author of your favourite Book
And you will be singing His praises, strong and true.
Memories can be wonderful, humourous, heartbreaking
A favourite walk, an oft visited place,
The cafe with the best latte and slice,
The movie theatre, the beach, the rugby ground
Or the memorabilia - a fishing rod, a waterski
A bike, a tennis racket, a rugby ball
Reminders of a life lived to the full.
Somedays I long for a hug, a tender look
To have your physical presence again
The loneliness is real, sometimes raw and painful
I take myself to my quiet place, my special spot
I gaze out to sea, think about you, write my thoughts
Let the tears come and allow God to comfort me
His Word says He collects all my tears - and I believe it!
Peace comes again.
My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you're still here
And I love that!
Oh Karen. That is so beautiful - bring on the water works. I can't imagine the agony, but I know from our own experience of losing a child (in a lot of ways very different from a husband) the very real and tangible comfort that is showered down from on high when you reach out to a loving Father when you are drowning in the sea of grief. In the words of an old song by Barry McGuire "blessed are you when you trust, but you just can't understand". And I don't know if you know the following hymn, but I love it ....
ReplyDeleteHe giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.
Love Fiona (Reid)
Hi Fiona. Thank you so much for this, especially writing the words of that hymn. I do know it - brought back memories from my childhood - all those old words are still tucked away there! And yes, they are beautiful words! So thank you again....I really appreciate it! Love Karen
DeleteKaren, this is beautiful. Absolutely honest, and raw, and genuine.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
Seriously, such a blessing to have read this intimate portrayal of love.
Blessings, and hugs,
Shua
x
Hi Shua.....thank you for your comments. I really appreciate it and I am thrilled to know what I write may be a blessing to someone else. Take care....love Karen
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