Last Sunday was Mother's Day in this part of the world. I still miss my Mum. She went to live in heaven in 2002 - that's quite a few years ago - and yet I still miss her. What I would have given to have been able to pick up the phone and talk to her over recent years! There were times when I was feeling desperate in dealing with the wretched disease of Parkinson's that I would have LOVED to just talk to my Mum! There's nothing quite like a chat with your Mum :-)
She was a pretty special woman my Mum. Her name was Grace - and she was - gracious that is!
She was an example to me of a woman who had a heart after God. She lovingly and faithfully served her husband and family her whole life, along with serving in her church and community.
The last fifteen or so years of her life were not easy for her. Her health deteriorated and she battled pain and discomfort in various ways. But her spirit and faith remained strong and she always had a hug and a smile! Her Bible was never far from her and she wrote copious notes about different verses and thoughts or teachings she had heard. I have a few of those and I can't bring myself to throw them away because they are in her handwriting. One of her favourite verses was James 4:8 'draw near to God and He will draw near to you'.......and I always think of her when I read it.
She was also the most amazing grandmother - whom my kids adored!
Now as I have begun my journey as a grandmother I often think of her and how she helped and supported me when I was having my babies. She was just there!! How I so appreciated that - now even more! She has always given me something to aspire to - and it still continues on - I love that!
This Mother's Day there were some 'firsts' in my family. It was the first Mother's Day for my daughter Tash - as she is now the mother of a little boy who is about to turn one. And for me, for the first time I have a daughter in law, Courtney - a relationship I am enjoying - especially as she and my son Heath are living with me in this big house!
So my Mother's Day was a nice day, even though I had moments of sadness as I thought about not having my husband with me anymore, it was a good day. I had lovely messages from my two daughters, son in law and grandson, flowers, CD's, a hug from my son and pancakes cooked for me for breakfast by him and Courtney - a warm and welcome start to the day - and coffee out with my daughter in law :-) I am blessed!
As you journey through Grief, certain days and dates can trip you up big time. The firsts are always hard - first birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc. In May last year was my first Mother's Day as a widow, so I can now testify that this year was definitely easier! I take encouragement from that - that I am moving forward and I'm not 'stuck' because that is definitely a place I don't want to be!
Mother's Day here was also a beautiful day weather wise. A magic late autumn day - blue skies, sunshine and just a little cool. In the afternoon (after my nana nap) I walked to the beach, then ended up walking right along the ocean beach. Mangawhai Heads ocean beach is a stunning place to walk especially when the tide is out - as it was last Sunday afternoon. There were couples, families, dogs, kids, fishermen, a few keen swimmers and surfers - all out just enjoying the magic of this place. You kind of got the feeling everyone was making the most of the sun before the long cold winter sets in!
So I just walked along enjoying it all with music playing in my ears from my iphone. Inevitably a sadness came over me - because the beach and the sea was one of Tony's most favourite places to be on this planet and we often walked that stretch of beach together. So naturally, when I go there I think of him.
I have found in my grief process, it is better to let myself feel the emotion, feel the pain of loss, and not try to shut it out. So often when I'm walking on the beach the tears will come as I let myself remember my husband and soul mate who is no longer with me. Last Sunday, however, while there was sadness - there were no tears. Just a quiet peace that I know where Tony is - and it's a good place - and that I am OK!
And also, it's OK for me to enjoy the beauty of creation on my own - but of course I am never alone - my Heavenly Father, who is also the Creator of all the beauty around me, holds me in the palm of His hand all the time!
So yes, Mothers and Beaches.........for me a time to remember and reflect on two special people in my life, who though no longer with me, have left an indelible imprint on my life that will never leave me!
I am blessed!
Till next time.............
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