Sleep is a wonderful thing - when you can do it at the right time and place. It can be such an incredible healing feeling waking up from healthy sleep.
Sadly for me, that has not been the case much over the last few years (until recently that is).
Being the care giver for your spouse takes a huge toll on many areas of your life and for me, sleep was something that got completely messed up! Looking back I realize I was sleep deprived for 2 - 3 years.
Of course, I am coming out the other side of that now - but it doesn't happen overnight. You would think when you are released from the burden of caring for a sick person that you would just fall back into old patterns and be able sleep as long and as much as you like, thereby 'catching up' somehow.
That is not the case! I have read somewhere that the amount of time it has taken in getting to an extremely tired state both physically and emotionally, is the amount of time you will need to recover and get back to a normal state - phew - that's a big chunk of time!
I have learned through this process to kind of 'go with the flow'. It's no use beating yourself up in the middle of the night if you can't sleep....so I usually just turn the light on and read for a little while or write in my journal until you find myself getting sleepy again. Obviously there are things you can do to develop good habits as well, and these shouldn't be overlooked, but for me it has been important to have a relaxed attitude as much as possible.
I must admit I did resort to using sleeping tablets for awhile, and again I didn't worry about that as I knew it would just be for a season....and it was! After a period of time I believe I had a mental addiction to them - more mental than physical - as some nights they had no effect on me but I still felt very strongly I needed to take them! One day the opportunity arose for me to have someone pray with me about this and I knew it was time to stop taking them. So I decided to just stop! Cold turkey like....even though the doctor had told me it would be very hard for me to get off them. Such is the power of prayer though! I believe I was delivered of that dependency - that was about a year ago now. Thank you Lord!
July 2012 - taking a nap with my grandson Owen
So by now you are probably wondering why on earth I am awake at 1AM talking about sleep problems if I don't have a major problem in that area anymore? Well, having sleepless nights occasionally is pretty normal for most people I would guess....especially when you have a lot on your mind.
And I do.....have a lot on my mind that is! In a few days time I am leaving on a trip that while being exciting, is also stepping out of my comfort zone somewhat! I am going on a tour to Europe - river cruising actually. It sounds amazing doesn't it? Like something you dream about doing? Well I'm actually going to do it!! Yep, getting on one of those amazing looking river boats in Amsterdam and cruising the Rhine and Danube Rivers for 15 days before getting off in Budapest. Maybe you're thinking - what's so amazing about that? Well the amazing thing is I'm going with 22 other people and I don't know a single one of them! That's what I mean about stepping out of my comfort zone.
This will be my home for 2 weeks soon!
This is definitely a first for me. I have enjoyed a bit of travel in the past, but always with family or friends, and especially with Tony, my late husband and best friend. We had plans to do a lot more travelling together too - until our lives got interrupted by a cruel disease. We had talked of going on a cruise - actually more than one to be honest - but sadly it never happened.
But now it is - for me at least. I know it's going to be bitter/sweet - going without him - but I believe he would be cheering me on and saying "go for it". So I am going to "go for it" and I am going to make the most of every moment. I know I am going to see, hear and taste amazing things and I'm praying I will make some new friends that will be compatible and fun.
Even as I write this I realise it has taken a long time for me to get to the point of allowing myself to get a little excited about what is ahead....but I think I am starting to feel that emotion - excitement - and it's OK!!
It's now 1:48AM.......still don't feel sleepy.......could it be excitement??
Till next time..............
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