Purpose

Over the last couple of weeks I have attended 2 women's events.  One was attended by 1100 women and the other by 100 women.  Both were good - no, make that excellent!  Although they were completely different.......I enjoyed both of them immensely.  The larger one was 'buzzing'........with that many women in one place I guess you'd have to expect that!  The smaller one was obviously more intimate.  For me, I had 'God' moments at both. Moments where the 'light comes on' with a thought or
an impression and a quiet knowing......yes, I am meant to be here.

Different is good! It's what makes up the kaleidoscope of our lives.....otherwise life would be dead boring wouldn't it? God must like 'different' too!  Why else would he have made us all unique?  In that large crowd of 1100 women I never saw 2 who looked alike!

At the larger gathering the theme was 'Body, Soul, Spirit'.....and we had teaching in each of these areas. Soooo good to hear balanced, practical teaching in the areas of our lives that make up who we are!

One of the thoughts that has stayed with me from the smaller gathering was about 'purpose'.  A sixty year old woman spoke of how she gets up in the morning with real purpose - she is vibrant and energetic and obviously loving her life.  That has made me think about my purpose.....about who I am and what I am doing.

For the 36 years of my married life I believed my main purpose was to work alongside, support and encourage my husband in whatever we decided we were meant to be doing at the time.  This included raising a family, farming, business, working in the local church and mission organizations.....among other things.  I still believe that and I don't regret it in any way.

However, I have now entered a different season of my life - albeit unexpected.  I am having to come to terms with many 'new' things.  One of these is almost a redefining of who I am.......that can be painful, scary, challenging....but hopefully in the end fulfilling and maybe even exciting!

God has made me unique just as He has every person on this planet.  I want and need to be true to who I am.  I desire to walk into the future along the path He has designed for me to walk.  This might include letting go of how I did things when I was one half of a couple (that's the scary bit) or changing how I view certain things because.....well....things are different now (that's the challenging bit).

So what is my purpose?  Hmmm.......that for me right now is a big question!  I know the overall response......is to carry the purpose of the King......and to fulfill my responsibilities to my family and my business - both of which I enjoy I must add!  I absolutely love being a grandmother.....and I don't believe my desire to fulfil my purpose in any way lessens the importance of my role as mother and grandmother.

So are these things my real purpose?  Or is passion a better word to be using? I feel there is something deep within me that wants to do more, see more, experience more, learn more, give more........and I don't think this is just about temporal things....this relates to eternal things.....things that are going to last forever.  And what are the things - for want of a better word - that are going to last forever?  People!!

Hmmm......so maybe by writing this I have answered my own question!!  Now that's an interesting thought....ha!

Oh....and can I just have a proud mother moment??  It gave me such joy to see my 2 daughters involved in the production of these 2 events I attended - one at each.....so proud of them!
3 John verse 4 says I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth!

Till next time.................

Glass half full or half empty?

Today I ventured outside for a walk in the sunshine.....nothing remarkable about that except it was the first time for 4 weeks!! I enjoy walking and for a considerable number of years it has been part of my life, so needless to say, I have REALLY missed it!

After experiencing a wonderful 4 weeks overseas recently, since returning home 4 weeks ago......I have been sick....unwelcome, unexpected and very frustrating!  I don't think there is anything special about the number 4??  But maybe I'm missing something!

It has been with great relief over the past couple of days to start to feel as though I might be getting better.  Sickness is horrible in all its shapes and forms, and yet it happens to most of us at some point in our lives in various ways.

One would have thought - great chance to catch up on all the reading I want to do!  Sadly, didn't even have the energy to do much of that - and I love to read!  So the last few weeks has been a lot of just doing nothing.....and I don't think I'm very good at that......but obviously my body just needed rest...and lots of it!

It's interesting to me how your thought life kind of 'takes off' when you doing nothing! I guess that's because that's all you're doing.  You have great ideas and thoughts about all sorts of things, what you'd like to do, where you'd like to go, what challenge you'd like to tackle....and so forth.....but when that all gets too exhausting....you just roll over and go back to sleep.....AGAIN!!

However, with a prolonged sickness can also come sadness, loneliness, depressive feelings and just feeling 'down' about life in general.....and it has been no different for me.....so it has been a real challenge some days to do something about those feelings. Added to those feelings for me now is also......what if I get really really ill? Who is going to look after me when I get old??
So what do I do?  For me, it has to be reading The Word and prayer.  Not prayer as in long, fancy sentences......but just simply.....'help me Lord, make me strong again.....Amen.'

As with anything in life, we are always faced with choices.  Being sick is no different......hence the title.....Glass half full or half empty?  If I am honest, my natural character traits would tend towards the glass half empty, so I have to work hard at not being that way.
Tony was a great example to me in this in that he was the glass half full kind of guy.  Over the years I learnt so much from him!

This time I've had confined to the house (big dose of cabin fever) has also made me think so much about those that suffer with prolonged, chronic, terminal type illnesses and conditions, and how THANKFUL I am that I am not in that situation, because at the end of the day......it could easily be me.....why not me?  I am so grateful to God for my health and strength, and even though I don't have a big amount of it right now, I can look forward to getting it back.  There are countless people out there who don't have that privilege.

My thoughts have naturally drifted to Tony over this time and how he suffered, how he hated what was happening to him, how he longed to get out and about and do the things he loved to do but couldn't.
I feel challenged.......did I do all I could for him?  What more could I have done?  I have to deal with those questions in my own way and with the Lord's help I will.

So what to do with the challenge?  And I guess that's the reason for this blog - are we (me included) all doing what we can in caring for our family and friends who are sick or confined to their house or bed? I have been touched by phone calls from a couple of elderly widows in my community who have health issues of their own, but just wanted to call me, say 'Hi' and encourage me.
And I am so grateful for family who care about me and for the friends who have taken the time to phone or call in........everything is appreciated!

So back to the glass half full thing!  I think these last 4 weeks have taught me quite a bit in this regard. I have much to be thankful for, even in the midst of feeling rotten, compared to countless people out there who are really suffering.......the kind of suffering I know nothing about.

The mind is such a powerful thing, I guess that's why we hear so much teaching about it - in the church and in the secular world.  The Word says.....be transformed by the renewing of your mind....

World renown Bible teacher Joyce Meyer has taught and wrote much about this subject.  Just before I left on my trip at the end of May, a close friend sent me something that I'd like to leave with you today (thank you Jude).
It is taken from Joyce Meyer's 'Renewing your mind and transforming your life by developing power thoughts' teachings.  12 really great statements to meditate on..............

1.   I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ.
2.   God loves me unconditionally.
3.   I will not live in fear.
4.   I am difficult to offend and quick to forgive.
5.   I love people and I enjoy helping them.
6.   I trust God completely, there is no need to worry.
7.   I am content and emotionally stable.
8.   God meets all my needs abundantly.
9.   I pursue peace with God, myself and others.
10. I live in the present and enjoy each moment.
11. I am disciplined and self-controlled.
12. I put God first in my life.

If I can get all these things happening in my life........the glass will always be half full.....ha!!

Till next time..........................................

The Lemon Tree

I recently put a photo of a bowl of lemons on my face book page - which resulted in a few interesting comments.  There's nothing remarkable about a bowl of lemons except in this case, they came from my own little lemon tree and I was quite excited about it, particularly as I love lemons!
But it's got me thinking! You see, this little lemon tree is the most unlikely looking tree to produce anything.  We planted it 3 years ago and it has remained the same since then.  No obvious signs of growth, in fact, at times it looked like it was dying!

Admittedly, the soil here is very sandy so it was probably a big ask expecting it to thrive.  We dug a very big hole ( for a little plant ) and put lots of compost in thinking we'd give it the best start in life we could.
Now I am not one of those people who have "green fingers".  Sure, I like the garden to look nice and I can weed and trim, but I'm no expert and I don't have the passion to spend hours out there.  I can grow lettuces and spinach - but then anyone can do that!

But back to the lemon tree.  Of course I watered it (on and off) and pulled threatening weeds out from round its little trunk from time to time, but other than that, I have done nothing......other than at times wondering if I should pull it out!
So to now have picked over a dozen lovely lemons off this little tree has been a welcome surprise to say the least!

During the hours of last night when sleep was elusive, I got to thinking about my lemon tree and realized there is a great analogy to be drawn here.
This little tree has very determinedly stuck to what it was created to do - produce lemons - in spite of not being obviously healthy or thriving.  So how has it done that?

It would be very interesting to slice through a section of the earth around where it is planted and have a look at its root structure. It must have sent out little feelers all over the place to find nutrients, because I doubt very much whether there would much around the immediate area where it's planted.
So in spite of no obvious growth in the tree itself, there is a life system inside that must be strong and a lot more vigorous than is obvious to the eye.

It's strange but somehow I feel an infinity to this little tree.  We (Tony and I ) planted it together soon after moving into this home and at a time when the Parkinsons Disease was really kicking in.  So now 3 years on with it producing the way it has, it has got me thinking about my inner state - how healthy is it, what am I producing, how strong is my root structure?

So often in this world we are too concerned with the outward appearance when what really matters is the state of our heart and the strength of our foundations.

It could almost be said that this little tree is growing in desert like conditions (the soil is almost that bad!)
I read something recently about grief being a desert experience.

'Can it be true that the riches of life that we need can be found in the desert - a place that symbolizes loneliness? Yes, God knows our need for a desert experience. He knows exactly where and how to produce enduring qualities in us. What a loving God we have!  We never know where God has hidden His streams. We see a large stone and have no idea that it covers the source of a spring.  We see a rocky area and never imagine that it is hiding a fountain.  God leads me into hard and difficult places and it is there I realize I am where eternal streams abide.'  (from Streams in the Desert)

How important is it for us to stay connected to the Source of Life!!

Something else I read recently that really made me take notice related to being a widow (really don't like that word!).  The fact is - women whose husbands die lose 75% of their friendships, 60% experience health issues, one third are clinically depressed one year later and most face financial hardship.  My goodness - this is sobering!

But the amazing thing is - God cares so much about widows He mentions them over 100 times in Scripture!  He's a 'defender of widows' Psalm 85:5.   He 'watches over and sustains them' Psalm 146:9 .....are just two examples.

So what is the connection from the lemon tree.....to the desert.......to being a widow?
Good question!

The challenge for me - and maybe for someone else reading this -  is in my desert experience what am I producing?  Am I determinedly standing firm on my foundations and thereby producing what I have been designed to produce even if it is taking longer than I'd like?  Or am I allowing my desert experience - in my case being a widow - to make me another sad statistic?

And can I just say........well I can as it's my blog...ha!  If you have widows in your family or circle of friends....include them, love them, encourage them!  Ask them how their lemon tree is growing?  Ha!

Till next time...........

My Tribute

A few months ago I wrote this.......and today being Tony's 60th birthday seems a fitting day to share it!

MY BEAUTIFUL MAN

My beautiful man you've gone
I met you when I was 10 and said goodbye when I was 55
That's a whole lot of time of living, loving, giving, sharing
I stretch my arm out in the bed - it's cold
I'm dull, heavy with sleep
I remember where you are and relax
All is well for you are safe, healed and free.

So many things I miss
45 years of knowing you and 36 married
There's a lot to miss!
Your cheerfulness in the mornings
Your love for the outdoors, the sea, the hills
Your strong arm to protect and comfort
My sounding board, my encourager
My greatest fan who loved me no matter what
Defended me, supported me, believed in me.

The legacy you left us is huge
As time goes by I see it more and more
In our children, in the grandson you never knew
You impacted our lives like no other person
There's a hole in our family that will never be filled
You gave us so much
A reservoir to draw from for the rest of our lives.

Most of all you taught us about loving God
You lived it out in front of us, you led by example
Your faith was real, not fake
You loved God with a vengeance
Your trust in Him complete
This is the greatest legacy of all.
You taught us how to live with God at the centre
You showed us by your life
By doing that you equipped us with everything we need for the future
You couldn't have done anything more!

My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you are still with me
I see you in our kids - their strength of character
The attitudes and expressions of our daughters
The tilt of the head, the gestures by our son
And when I look into the big brown eyes of our grandson
I am reminded of you.

The physical part of 'us' that was you has gone
Life for me will never ever be the same
Growing old together will never be an option -
Even though we talked and dreamed of it
I can, and do go on, but from a different place
Walking a different road.

My beautiful man, I don't wish you back here
Fighting a cruel disease that robed you of everything you loved
But I miss you, I miss you everyday
Somedays I just don't know what to do with that
So I go back to my God, to our God, and rest
Knowing that you are with Him
And that He is with me here, and again I find my peace.

Sometimes when I am reading the Word
And come across your favourite verses - I hear your voice
Sometimes in a song, I hear you sing
And I think, how wonderful you are now with the Author of your favourite Book
And you will be singing His praises, strong and true.

Memories can be wonderful, humourous, heartbreaking
A favourite walk, an oft visited place,
The cafe with the best latte and slice,
The movie theatre, the beach, the rugby ground
Or the memorabilia - a fishing rod, a waterski
A bike, a tennis racket, a rugby ball
Reminders of a life lived to the full.

Somedays I long for a hug, a tender look
To have your physical presence again
The loneliness is real, sometimes raw and painful
I take myself to my quiet place, my special spot
I gaze out to sea, think about you, write my thoughts
Let the tears come and allow God to comfort me
His Word says He collects all my tears - and I believe it!
Peace comes again.

My beautiful man, you've gone
But in so many ways you're still here
And I love that!

The final leg......

Well it seems getting started on our long journey home is proving more of a challenge than I thought......the best laid plans and all that!  But as we have found so many times on this trip already.....anything can happen when you are travelling and you have to roll with the punches a bit or you'd get very bitter and twisted!

But to back track a little.....

Our last official day of the tour was very pleasant. We spent the morning wandering around Heidleberg, which we had already been to, but were very happy to return to, as it so happens that the very best apple strudel can be found there! So we all indulged in some of that (again) before heading to Frankfurt.

Our group once again diminished in numbers as we said goodbye to four fellow travellers who are staying on in Europe and the UK.

So we are now down to seven of us who are returning to NZ. We had a very long afternoon at Frankfurt airport yesterday before boarding our flight to Singapore - due to leave at 10pm.

However!!! At around that time a freak electrical storm broke over Frankfurt which did not feel very nice! We were all boarded in the plane waiting to take off and the wind was buffeting us around, then the thunder and lightning started! Then the dreaded voice over the intercom......" Hello folks, this is the Captain......"the bad news....we couldn't take off right then, but the good news was we could in a couple of hours! So we stayed on board....and sat....and sat.......

When the storm finally eased and we had clearance to fly, there was a long queue of aircraft waiting to do the same......Frankfurt is an incredibly busy airport!

Sadly by the time it was our turn it was too late!! The airport closes at a certain time after midnight for a few hours and we had missed the window of time.

It was then decided to disembark! They didn't even take us back to the terminal....we were parked off somewhere in the back blocks of runways and lights.....so they brought a whole bunch of buses to the plane....go figure that! Back to the terminal we went then onto different buses and out into the streets of Frankfurt bound for who knows where! Our bus driver certainly didn't because we travelled for over an hour into the deepest darkest countryside.....no hotels in sight.....not even street lights! After some wrong turns and a couple of reversals (yes, reversals) we arrived in a town and pulled up outside a hotel. The other 2 bus loads were in bed by then!  I can't remember the name of the town or the hotel .....but by 3am I crawled into bed.....yay!

I must admit though, Singapore Airlines did their best for us under difficult circumstances and the hotel was very nice:-)

We had to leave our suitcases on the plane so only had our hand luggage, which doesn't really have the stuff you need like toiletries! We were given a toothbrush and toothpaste by the hotel thankfully. I should have asked if they had 'essential kits'........for those Brian Regan fans out there:-)

Midday today we were picked up and bused back to the airport......and here's the funny bit.....it took about 15 minutes!! Ha.....so heaven only knows where we went last night!

It took a lot of palava to get everyone organised on new flights today and the airport was crazy busy.....people....planes....insane!!  Never mind, we are finally winging our way to Singapore. Might try and get some sleep......hmmm.....fat chance huh?

It is now early afternoon on Saturday and I'm sitting in a hotel room in Singapore.....courtesy of Singapore Airlines.  We are due to continue our flight onto Auckland this evening as long as the smoke doesn't overtake us! It's everywhere here, quite thick and strong smell, evidently from fires in Malaysia.

The drama continues....... I just hope and pray we end up on the plane that is also carrying our luggage....now there's a thought!!

So I think it's time to sign off for now. I will probably continue to write my blog in the future which will no doubt include more reflections of my time away. It certainly has been eventful.....what with floods, storms, heat waves, fires.....and that's just weather related! But of course, it has been so much more than that, I have seen so much......so much to think about and ponder on, learnt more about myself and the world around me. Nothing is wasted in this life so I know I will draw on these past few weeks somehow and someway.

I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for His love and protection over me (and all of us) these past weeks. There have been moments all along the way where I have felt His nearness and well...His thumbprint....and that makes everything OK! Such a faithful God, 100% trustworthy!

Looking forward to standing on home soil tomorrow :-)

Till next time........

Oberammergau, Heidelberg........

As I write this we have only one night left on this adventure....not counting the night we spend on the flights home.  It seems like I've been away from home for a long time...by the time I reach NZ on Saturday it will be nearly 4 weeks so I guess that is quite awhile!

The last few days have been a little more challenging for me as I have not felt very well plus we have been having very hot, humid weather.....today was 37 degrees!

But you learn to take the good with the bad when travelling, keep a sense of humour and be flexible!

Well.....that's the theory!

Last night we spent the night in Oberammergau...the little German village that hosts the Passion Play every ten years.  Unfortunately it is not on this year but I would dearly love to come back when it is.....the next time is 2020. It is run for 6 months of the year it is performed and has a cast of a couple of thousand! Hmm.....might have to go on the bucket list :-)

The little town is just gorgeous, the architecture charming.....just delightful.....with the most beautiful Christmas shop, which I'm afraid I did spent some money in! 

Some glimpses of Oberammergau........

Our hotel.....

View from my hotel window.....

The Christmas shop......

And inside.......

Today was a long bus trip back to Heidelberg through beautiful countryside and I was very grateful we were in air conditioned comfort!

Scenery driving through Germany today.....

Nice to see some animals!

Tonight we joined together for our last dinner together at a restaurant that is over 200 years old.  It is a favourite haunt of students and the tables and walls bear testament to that.......there are names carved  all over the place! It had great atmosphere and the food was some of the best we've had the whole trip.....it was just a pity it was so oppressively hot.....we were fair melting in there!

Our last dinner together at a great restaurant in Heidleberg......

The 200 year old walls!

So as I spend my last night in Europe I have so many emotions. It has been the most wonderful experience and I have seen so many interesting and fascinating places, and met some great people. Right now I can't even begin to remember all be places we've been.....it's going to take lots of time going over photos to do that.

So I am sorry it is coming to an end.....travelling certainly can get into the blood!  But I am also so looking forward to being on home soil again, sleeping in my own bed and seeing my family.

I think it's going to take some time for me to put into words how this trip has affected and changed me and I'd like to keep writing and expressing my thoughts.....so some discipline will be required!

Anyway.....it's not over yet......we have one more day in Germany......later tomorrow we head to Frankfurt to start the long trek home via Singapore.

Till next time.........

Austria

Yesterday was a very long day in the bus travelling from Prague, south through much of the Czech countryside before crossing the border into Austria, finally arriving in Salzburg around 6pm.

Of course we stopped along the way and one particular stop was my all time favourite - but more about that later!

The weather has also warmed up considerably and we are now having temperatures in the early to mid 30's.....so the can be a challenge with all the walking tours we do.....but never mind!

The Czech countryside is very lush and green just like everywhere we've been really, an indication of all the rain they have had recently, but I suppose with the arrival of hot temperatures things will start to dry out somewhat.

As we got closer to the border we took a detour and headed into a town called Ceske Budejovice  (try saying that!) where we visited a brewery.  You may remember the ad where it talked about......'sitting on the couch, having a bud'.....maybe not......as its probably an American ad.....but anyway, we went to the Budweiser brewery for a look see. 

This company produces several different brands of beer and export to 60 countries from just this one factory....it is the biggest brewery in the Czech Republic.

Some of the scenes inside.....

Ad of course the tasting!

Then it was south again towards our destination.....crossing the boarder into Austria....

Beautiful Austria!!

We started to see hills and animals.......and lots of hay making.....

And lots of road works, new roads and tunnels being built.....

Beautiful scenery......mountains......picturesque architecture......

Then a detour into the town of Mondsee......the location of the Abbey that was used in the wedding scene in The Sound of Music.  What a gorgeous little town nestled close to the mountains.  

The streets of Mondsee.....

But.....visiting the abbey was definitely the highlight of my day :-)

The aisle where Maria walked to meet Captain von Trapp

The pipe organ.....

I felt quite emotional as I stood by the altar...I know the film is just a story....but is based on truth and I really felt the abbey was well loved and well used......as though it is very much a part of the community.......the pews are worn.....but it is well cared for.  No cost to come in here.....all welcome to come and visit.....I just loved it!!

Then it was a short drive into Salzburg......the birthplace of Mozart.

Our hotel is called Achat Plaza Zumba Hirschen.....try that one!

Some scenes around Salzburg late in the day.....

The Salzburg castle sits high over the city

Last evening we went to The Sound of Salzburg Dinner and Show.....which was great fun.  All professionally trained singers and a fabulous pianist, singing all sorts! A mixture of songs from the Sound of Music, as well as other operatic style pieces.  Of course we all sang along to the ones we knew.......Doe a deer a female deer, Ray a drop of golden sun..........

Some scenes from the show...

It was extremely hot yesterday and when we came out of the show it was still about 25 degrees....at 10:30!  A beautiful balmy night in Salzburg.....there were people having late night dinners and drinks at   the outdoor restaurants that are everywhere....and I must admit the loneliness was threatening to overtake me....so I had to take a few deep breaths!

This morning I have opted out of the tour for a few hours......think I'm fighting some sort of virus so have dosed up on all sorts and having a little rest and catch up.....you really do learn a lot about yourself on trips like this. I recognise my limit as to what I can do and take in, then I have to recharge for a bit and allow the body to catch up....and that was today! I am missing a walking tour of the inner city of Salzburg but I'm sure I'll hear about it from the others!

This afternoon we head off back into Germany.

Till next time.....